Let us accept it. We stay in a very Hippocratic society. No matter how much we show off as accepting the new norms of living, and acting cool to be comfortable with western “fads” like live-in relationships, inter caste marriages, etc.. we do not accept it. Period. We are like that only.
The present generation might think we are all cool about it, but question yourself ( and here I am talking to those in their twenties, and facing this), how many of you would actually not turn out to be like your uncles, who Is considered to be the biggest villain in your life right now.
A typical setting in an Indian Sindhi family, and a big joint family, where the parents would plead their daughter that they are comfortable with her relationship with that Bengali guy, but..
Mom: “Beta, we are very progressive, and we totally accept your relationship and your feeling for that Roy guy”
The daughter is happy listening to this, very well knowing that this cannot be all this easy.
“But..”, the mom starts after a brief pause.
“Think about what your mama would think about us. Know what, yesterday, the bagal wali auntie was asking me about you and why you not getting married”
“They would blame us directly that we could not raise you well, and we gave you too much freedom and thus failed as parents”
The emotional monologue would continue for long, till you (the girl) get persuaded that you are the villain, and would be a black mark on the family. So, please avoid this situation. Point black. In much more many words.
‘Virginity is believed to be directly proportional to ones character’. This is how most of the soon-to-be-bestowed-upon-UID card holders treat it to be. And here comes the biggest component of the so called hypocrisy so very rampant in our country. On one side we have the women, who would like to protect “it” for their own prince charming, and on the other hand we have the males with their wild hormones who just can’t wait to get rid of this inferior looking V tag. The irony (or the so called hypocrisy) here is that these very men would want a bride with her hymen intact!
This makes me wonder why even in the 21st century there is so much hypocrisy and double standards surrounding ‘physical intimacy’. After all, what does virginity have to do with character? Why can’t we just take physical intimacy the way it is – Physical intimacy and nothing more.
And well, here the so called progressive Indians of tomorrow (the twenty something’s of today) are also to be blamed.
This double standard is so ingrained in our brains, and was perfectly depicted in the situation that happened last Saturday night. I was on some association function, and was fully decked and dressed to attend this do. I was there on behalf of my uncle, who could not make it. It was attended by the entire association of the south india, so had to be in the best most-eligible-bachelor looks, on instructions from my Mom. “wear a suit. you look very good in it. There would be a lot of sindhi families coming over!”
After the late night meet, I went ahead to meet a friend ( a girl), to make up for my absence all day. We were talking on the road, and walking in the street where she stays. After some time, the girl comes closer to my ear, and utters, “Don’t look back so obviously, but see the guy on the first floor in the third building on the right behind me?”
“No”, I say non-chalantly.
“Arrey, don’t look so obviously. There is a guy, who is trying to hide behind the towel hanging in the balcony and staring at us curiously”
“Why? You know him?”, I again ask as if it was the most obvious question in the world.
“Arrey, he is watching assuming something would happen. It is 2 in the night!”
OKAY. So that is the reason, you cheap pervert there behind the towel. Can a guy and a girl not be just good friends, who happen to meeting at 2 in the night. And if something was bound to happen, I would not be standing here on the street. Speaks a lot about US Indians. The twenty something Indian, the future of the country.
Needless to say, just to entice the behind-the-towel guy more, I did want to pose something (like this picture) and create an illusion allowing him to fulfill his high( I don’t know Why?), but alas, my friend preferred getting back to her place, and I had to go.
great article sir
although i not agree with this topic in total but i agree on the very essence of this topic i.e. all this point need to be discussed.
But we must keep in mind that its not necessary that westernisation style is always right
m no where saying the westernization style is always right.. m jus saying, we shoould probably be open about it and say tht we do not like this so called” modernization” rather than wanting it for ourselves, and frowning when we someone else doing it!!!
I’m not easily imsrspeed but you’ve done it with that posting.
dont think “Hippocratic” is the right word dude… we Indians are basically ‘reserved’… so all the activities that u mentioned do attract some sort of attention and excitement…
yeah we do talk about westernisation, modernization, blah blah… but in doing so we are making sure the basic ‘values’ r not lost.. which is the main USP of an Indian… so here the ‘society’ plays a major role in pulling back things…
anyways, what am saying is, westernisation is required but at the same time I dont want that ‘Indianness’ to be lost in the process… it has to be balanced… and we are moving in that direction – step-by-step…
as i said in my earlier reply too.. m no where saying we should jus go blindly accept westernization for the heck of it.. n i nowhere what we should b n wha we should not.
i jus made an observation tht we are like this… where we want the things to hapen to us, but at the same time, frown over other ppl doin it!
Situation 1:
Just image the same situation of a indian guy and his friend (indian girl) walking down the street in country west to us… will the same 2nd guy who was hiding behind the towel hide behind the towel if he was there…
i know you your answer to it will for sure be “NO”….
On this we are on the same page but would probabaly disagree when i pen down the reason –
He will probably watch those two people walking without hiding behind the towel 🙂 … and he does it because he know the other two whom he noticing will not care or bother.
THE POINT i want to drive home is that the problem is not with the guy behind the towel but the people who get affected/disturbed/uncomfortable by noticing that other guyz watching them.
Situation 2:
Same street, the same indian guy with his friend (indian girl) walks down the street in some other country chating about thier future career plan at 2 in the night,,, will they care people noticing them…
Now, if your answere is “No” then i think i stand to prove my point
and if you say “YES” then i think you need to be honest…
When i say this i dont mean that the indian boy or indian gorl is wrong…
Ok now just imagine the same pair is in some indian city other than thier hometown studying or working…. will they still be uncomfortable walking down the street 2 at the night… i feel “NO” because in that new city there is no family or relative or elders who would not like it/feel bad seeing them out of home 2 at the night.
The Couple get conscious in thier home city because it may hurt thier elder’s sentiment (to whom the guy & gurl respect a lot).
CONCLUSION:
In India there are still those values, culture of mainiting the “ankho ki saram” between the yong and the elder ones…. RESPECT is the WORD.
ITS not like where a boy of 13-14 years in US say “SKREW YOU” to his dad when he ask he to concentrate on his studies.
Thanks Kamal, for the long comment. It seems to be a post in itself.
n to summarize your conclusion to the scenarios you have depicted here, i no where said that we indians should not be like this. I am just trying to showcase the way we are, without judging what is better, and what is not.
And, about the “aankhon ki sharam” as you have pointed out, well, how many people actually respect? The respect, in my belief, should come from within and not just as a show ( hypocrisy again!)