BRAToSPHERE

Author: Bharat Jhurani

  • Why are we like this?

    Let us accept it. We stay in a very Hippocratic society. No matter how much we show off as accepting the new norms of living, and acting cool to be comfortable with western “fads” like live-in relationships, inter caste marriages, etc.. we do not accept it. Period. We are like that only.

    The present generation might think we are all cool about it, but question yourself ( and here I am talking to those in their twenties, and facing this), how many of you would actually not turn out to be like your uncles, who Is considered to be the biggest villain in your life right now.

    A typical setting in an Indian Sindhi family, and a big joint family, where the parents would plead their daughter that they are comfortable with her relationship with that Bengali guy, but..

    Mom: “Beta, we are very progressive, and we totally accept your relationship and your feeling for that Roy guy”

    The daughter is happy listening to this, very well knowing that this cannot be all this easy.

    “But..”, the mom starts after a brief pause.

    “Think about what your mama would think about us. Know what, yesterday, the bagal wali auntie was asking me about you and why you not getting married”

    “They would blame us directly that we could not raise you well, and we gave you too much freedom and thus failed as parents”

    The emotional monologue would continue for long, till you (the girl) get persuaded that you are the villain, and would be a black mark on the family. So, please avoid this situation. Point black. In much more many words.

    ‘Virginity is believed to be directly proportional to ones character’. This is how most of the soon-to-be-bestowed-upon-UID card holders treat it to be. And here comes the biggest component of the so called hypocrisy so very rampant in our country. On one side we have the women, who would like to protect “it” for their own prince charming, and on the other hand we have the males with their wild hormones who just can’t wait to get rid of this inferior looking V tag. The irony (or the so called hypocrisy) here is that these very men would want a bride with her hymen intact!

    This makes me wonder why even in the 21st century there is so much hypocrisy and double standards surrounding ‘physical intimacy’. After all, what does virginity have to do with character? Why can’t we just take physical intimacy the way it is – Physical intimacy and nothing more.

    And well, here the so called progressive Indians of tomorrow (the twenty something’s of today) are also to be blamed.

    This double standard is so ingrained in our brains, and was perfectly depicted in the situation that happened last Saturday night. I was on some association function, and was fully decked and dressed to attend this do. I was there on behalf of my uncle, who could not make it. It was attended by the entire association of the south india, so had to be in the best most-eligible-bachelor looks, on instructions from my Mom. “wear a suit. you look very good in it. There would be a lot of sindhi families coming over!”

    After the late night meet, I went ahead to meet a friend ( a girl), to make up for my absence all day. We were talking on the road, and walking in the street where she stays. After some time, the girl comes closer to my ear, and utters, “Don’t look back so obviously, but see the guy on the first floor in the third building on the right behind me?”

    “No”, I say non-chalantly.

    “Arrey, don’t look so obviously. There is a guy, who is trying to hide behind the towel hanging in the balcony and staring at us curiously”

    “Why? You know him?”, I again ask as if it was the most obvious question in the world.

    “Arrey, he is watching assuming something would happen. It is 2 in the night!”

    OKAY. So that is the reason, you cheap pervert there behind the towel. Can a guy and a girl not be just good friends, who happen to meeting at 2 in the night. And if something was bound to happen, I would not be standing here on the street. Speaks a lot about US Indians. The twenty something Indian, the future of the country.

    Needless to say, just to entice the behind-the-towel guy more, I did want to pose something (like this picture) and create an illusion allowing him to fulfill his high( I don’t know Why?), but alas, my friend preferred getting back to her place, and I had to go.

  • Quit that drag

    Much has been said about smoking, and its ill effects and much has been written about it everywhere. No point delving about that here. Just google for “ill effects of smoking” and you get more than 17 lakh results.

    Well, giving up smoking is actually easy, I myself have given it up like a hundred times or more than that. But people never give up. I remember talking to a good friend of mine recently, who was complaining about her smoking habit and how she has tried everything under the sun to get rid of that.

    “know what, have tried everything to quit smoking, but it just does not seem to help” complained my friend.

    “Have you tried the patch?” I ask emphatically.

    “No, that is one thing I have not tried. Not too sure if it would work!”

    “No, it will. Put it over your mouth and keep it plastered”, I replied.

    “it sure would help a lot other people from your other big addicted habit, talking non-stop!”

    One other interesting thing I observe with these reports on smoking and the ill effects. Smoking sure is one of the leading causes of many statistics. People from Indian Statistical Institute( ISI) would have been jobless if not for smoking. Now you know why ITC head office, and ISI are both based out of Kolkata? Not a coincidence.

    These days, everyday I log onto facebook and I see one of my friend getting married and announcing it there, proudly, some with their honeymoon pictures too. hello, i do not want to see them. Stop spamming. It is a public forum for God’s sake. Facebook has become a terror. Recently, a far of friend of my friend (this is just to keep the identity concealed) got married. (Obviously, why not?)

    I happened to overhear them talking privately after dinner at the friend’s place.

    “I have been asking you to quit smoking for the hundredth time now. Why don’t you just quit?” the guy asks his wife, who is having a good smoke after dinner.

    “You really ought to quit.” He kept begging her.
    She, getting tired of his nagging, said, “I really enjoy a good cigarette after sex.”

    (Mental note: when did they have sex now? Okay, glutton, you just keep hogging and hogging and do not observe people walking to the washroom together! At least remember seeing them walk out together from the washroom, and you thought they were washing hands, idiot!)
    He replied, “But they stunt your growth.”
    Smiling and lifting her gaze, she said, “you said you have never ever smoked. So, what’s your excuse?”

    I just leave the place, not knowing what to do, I myself should quit asap.

    But seriously guys, girls do not like their guys smoke, and no smoking ain’t cool. Not at all. She hates it, and this anti-smoking ad depicts it perfectly.

  • Wake up early!

    I am generally an early riser. I wake up early in the morning, and like other things in life, I have my own definition for early! 9AM!

    That’s true. I have always wanted to wake up early at 6AM, go to the gym, start the day fresh, bathe early and begin the day early. Alas! It has never managed to go beyond the second day!

    “Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise” – Ben Franklin

    I am none of them.

    But yes, waking up early has its own advantages –

    Say good morning to all: it is so pleasant in the morning, after the whole traffic less night in this concrete jungle the air feels so fresh.

    Solitude: It is so peaceful and calm outside, and within the house that one can do all the thinking and the intellectual mas^*&%% very well up early in the morning. Different thing, that we prefer plugging in our Ipod with mettalica in full blast.

    Breakfast: Waking up early, having two litres of milk and then a sumptuous breakfast. This would be an ideal start for the day. After all, breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

    Exercise: In the melee of things, and the stressful busy lives that we spend driving around the city in the traffic all day, the early morning exercise is the best way to remain healthy and reduce the stress too.

    Plan the day: If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail. A very famous saying, and we end up wasting half of our time doing things not really important because we don’t plan in advance. Plan the entire day and schedule all appointments and meetings right then and there in the diary for the day.

    Important stuff: quite often, in the mad rush called life, we always tend to compromise with the basics of life and the real cravings. I like to paint, but never get the time do so. How many times have we not heard statements like these? I remember Prof. Deb Chat at IIML saying that he makes it a point that he writes a minimum of 500 words for his book every morning before breakfast and that way he maintains discipline in his writing endeavors.

    So, yes, there are a whole lot of benefits that you get by waking up early in the morning. Not to talk about the obvious lack of drinks in the night, coz you need to sleep early too to be able to do this.

    But yes, do avoid that craving for the smoke right in the morning. Completely makes the whole health aspect go for a toss! (Look who is talking!)

    And well, if you have a tough time to wake up itself early morning, and are in the habit of snoozing your alarm clock as a natural act of response to the beep, maybe you can try this.

  • Wikileaks exposes one more thing

    Wikileaks is in the headlines across the world these days. And it very well deserves to be.

    THE US government, faced with the publication on the Internet of a quarter-million cables sent by US embassies in recent years, has responded just as it did when WikiLeaks posted similar troves of secret messages about the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq on the web earlier this year. It has solemnly warned that WikiLeaks is endangering the lives of American diplomats, soldiers and spooks. Endangering the lives of innocent people?? Who is innocent here??

    Well, these people are getting just treatment. In the present era of free press and the free form of internet it is imminent that such a thing would happen, and it has happened.

    To make it even more worse, you accuse the founder of rape, sexual molestation and unlawful coercion? For something that he apparently committed in august. Why this sudden uprise over the issue? Some cables are leaked by him! Oops!

    A Swedish court has approved a request by prosecutors to detain WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange for questioning on suspicion of rape, sexual molestation and unlawful coercion.

    Assange has denied the accusations, which stem from his encounters with two women during a visit to Sweden in August.

    Click on image to enlarge it

    Thursday’s decision by the Stockholm District Court may lead to an international arrest warrant for Assange. ( Source: TOI)

    The worst part in this entire episode is the behavior shown by internet bigwigs like paypal, and amazon. Pulling off the plug on the website such that it is not accessible by anyone?

    “The internet isn’t written in pencil, Mark, it’s written in ink” – Erica, in THE SOCIAL NETWORK

    And that I think the American officials, along with amazon and paypal should realize this. Pulling off the plug on the site just shows its spineless character, and the way it is built. Not speaking too well of these organizations.

    This pic depicts it in a better way.

    Wikileaks has just managed to show the nature of these two internet giants, who people thought would stand up against such atrocities and unreasonable behaviour of the government. Till date no one has been charged, let alone convicted, over the wikileaks episodes.

  • Impressing girls

    Any guy, straight enough, has for sure tried hitting on a girl sometime in his life. Many guys am sure have done much much more than once, and only for that one girl.

    So how to really impress a girl? Seems like a tough question isn’t it? Well, I am no baba to give you sermons on what to do, and what not to do. But yes one thing, which seems too obvious, but seldom followed is – “Girls are not impressed by anything which seems fake or unoriginal”. Don’t get me wrong,i said seemed fake and unoriginal. “Seemed” is the word here.

    Now on the topic, here I list out some things that we guys delve into trying to impress the girls.

    • Drink too much. One or two drink can help you relax and feel confident( really?). but that confidence son turns into stupidity with the third drink, and by the fourth peg you are more near becoming her laughing companion than anything else. Well seriously, throwing up on her dress, will sure not impress her. Right Lambu?impress
    • Getting into fights over a girl! Another big no no. Probably a decade or two back when the Indian society was different, a guy was required to show this skill to prove his dominance, but not any longer. Yes, you should prove that you are capable enough of taking care of her, but not by beating the junior black and blue for staring or even trying to pick a conversation with your girl. Simple – If you get your ass kicked you lose status. If you beat up the other guy you come off as a jerk. A real lose-lose situation. Take the other guys interest as a compliment and use your charm and rules of attraction to make sure that you beat him where it matters, getting her. Trust me, this works!
    • Tattoos with names. Well, it just sounds to psychotic, and creepy!
    • Taking her to art exhibitions you know nothing about. This also included documentary films, Oscar winning movies, which you have no inclination towards her. You just try doing it to show her your coolness factor, and alas! It does not come this way dude! No, showing off listening to phil Collins also does not work!
    • Skidding your bike on the beach road. She would pray, “why does he just not die?”. Girls do love adventure loving guys, and they do like the risk taking guys, but they do not want to be with stupid guys, who try doing such stunts, blowing up their rich dad’s money on car tyres.
    • Lying. So you talking to her, and boast your snooker playing skills, or your score in the last AIMCAT( geek!). no, the girl is not impressed. She is the one who requires praises, the fairer sex is not conditioned in a way that she showers praises on you.

    So, after all this, am sure the question hanging on you girls out there is – really? “Actually, we girls are so much like this. Probably right, I never liked sangmesh using the geeky boasting thing ever.”.

    And all you guys there, am sure the question haunting you right now is – “So, how the hell do we do it?”

    Again simple

    Don’t try to impress her – Yes here it is the very big secret in front of you! The best way to impress a girl is not to impress her. Now you might be wondering how does this really work? Well when most guys try to impress girls they tend to become more unauthentic and try to show off with almost anything and everything. Girls are not impressed by such tactics and would end up putting you in the “Show off” category. The best way to impress a girl is to be yourself and let things happen automatically.

    Well honestly, this is an art which is honed over years, and as is with anything else, “Practice make’th a man perfect!”

    Yes, this does not mean don’t pamper her. Girls, again due to the genetic makeup, like getting pampered all the time.

    Note: This post is inspired from a similar titled post on rediff.com