>English is a funny language

>English has always been a funny lang, and with al its liberal dose of phonetics and flexible grammar, things are really very confusing…

Here is a conversation between the president of the United states and Condoleeza Rice, and a typical example of how things get screwed up…

Secretary: – Mr. President, Condoleeza Rice is here to see you.
George B. : – Good, send her in.
Secretary: – Yessir.

(Hangs up. Condi enters.)

Condoleeza: – Good morning, Mr. President.
George B. : – Oh Condoleeza, nice to see you. What’s happening?
Condoleeza : – Well, Mr. President, I have the report here about the new leader in China.
George B. : – Great, Condi. Lay it on me.
Condoleeza : – Mr. President, Hu is the new leader of China.
George B. : – Well, that’s what I want to know.
Condoleeza : – But that’s what I’m telling you, Mr. President.
George B. : – Well, that’s what I’m asking you, Condie. Who is the new leader of China?
Condoleeza : – Yes.
George B. : – I mean the fellow’s name.
Condoleeza : – Hu.
George B. : – The guy in China.
Condoleeza : – Hu.
George B. : – The new leader of China.
Condoleeza : – Hu.
George B. : – The Chinaman!
Condoleeza : – Hu is leading China, Mr. President.
George B. : – Whaddya’ asking me for?
Condoleeza : – I’m telling you Hu is leading China.
George B. : – Well, I’m asking you, Condie. Who is leading China?
Condoleeza : – That’s the man’s name.
George B. : – That’s who’s name?
Condoleeza : – Yes.

(Pause.)

George B. : – Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condoleeza : – Yes, sir.
George B. : – Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condoleeza : – That’s correct.
George B. : – Then who is in China?
Condoleeza : – Yes, sir.
George B. : – Yassir is in China?
Condoleeza : – No, sir.
George B. : – Then who is?
Condoleeza : – Yes, sir.
George B. : – Yassir?
Condoleeza : – No, sir.

(Pause. Crumples paper)

George B. : – Condi, you’re starting to piss me off now, and it’s not ’cause you’re black neither. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. So why don’t you get me the Secretary General of the United Nations on the phone.
Condoleeza : – Kofi Annan?
George B. : – No, thanks. And Condi, call me George. Stop with that ebonics crap.
Condoleeza : – You want Kofi?
George B. : – No.
Condoleeza : – You don’t want Kofi.
George B. : – No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condoleeza : – Yes, sir.
George B. : – Not Yassir! The guy at the United Nations.
Condoleeza : – Kofi?
George B. : – Milk! Will you please make that call?
Condoleeza : – And call who?
George B. : – Well, who is the guy at the U.N?
Condoleeza : – No, Hu is the guy in China.
George B. : – Will you stay out of China?!
Condoleeza : – Yes, sir.
George B. : – And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condoleeza : – Kofi.
George B. : – All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.

(Condi picks up the phone.)

Condoleeza : – Hello. Rice, here.
George B. : – Rice? Good idea. And get a couple of egg rolls, too, Condi. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get chinese food in the Middle East? I don’t know.

Speak in English,
BJ