BRAToSPHERE

Tag: marriage

  • Being Single and Happy

    As an afterthought to my previous post on the limitations of Being Single, I think being single also has its own charm. There are many a plus being singe – be it woman or man.

    This is like a dossier to those on a constant look for love. Well, wait a minute, catch a breath, not every grass on the side is actually green, even if it appears green. Appreciate the present being, and you would be much happier.

    How?

    1. Healthier social life

    We have all been there when a very good friend has ditched us in favour of the new found girlfriend. Single people have the liberty to meet anyone without any prejudices from the significant other. You are free to catch up with anyone you would like to meet at any time. No Obligation. You automatically become a part of all the guy’s night out playing poker with beer in your hands. No regrets or guilt at all. And no nagging phone calls in the middle of a wonderful hand.

    1. Allowed to flirt with anyone

    You like that hot girl in red top at a party. Go ahead, flirt with her as you are what they say in Dilli – “Khulla Saand”. All this innocent flirting, in spite of being innocent can lead non-singles to enough heartburn. Singles are in no place to get into such awkward situations. Be what you are wherever you are!

    1. Get all the “Me Time”

    You want to read the book tonight, or want to watch the entire season 5 of Game of Thrones this Saturday? You can if you are single. You get all the me time and are free to spend it watching mindless TV or sleep all day. Your time, your wish. Nobody interferes.

    1. Move geographies

    A good career opportunity but you would have to move cities? No problem. You can keep an auto yes mail with your boss. No questions asked, no need to discuss with anyone. It is worth the move, you move. No considerations!

    1. Do what you want, when you want

    You like being awake all night and sleep all day. Please do. You hate the sight of the mall? You don’t need to go on that road itself. You feel like eating pasta early morning, you shall eat it. Your wish is your command, and no one else’s wishes are into consideration. You do what you want, whenever you want, in the way you want it! That’s it. No questions to be answered.

    Looking at it, Being single seems like a great situation to be in.

    Well, as they say, every coin has two sides. Whichever relation status describes you presently, that is the best thing that could happen to you. No grass is green, it is all pale. Accept it and move.

    p.s.: Maybe, all grass is green. Does not maketh any difference

  • Being Single

    As a continuation to my earlier post on Marriage Rights in India, let’s see how the single ones fare here.

    Talking about single, being Happily Married (a misnomer?) myself might seem contradictory but well, I just got married less than six months back. (Yes, a couple days more for six months, and I just realized this!). Now please, will you? Ignore smaller facts that I was not really single before the marriage too! Let’s move on? Shall we?

    Not having a boyfriend/girlfriend these days is such a trouble. Everyone in your peer starts doubting your straight preferences.

    People just can’t seem to come to terms with the fact that being single actually rocks! Really.

    Well, not really. There are many things like freedom, can-do-anything-anytime, can hit on anyone and the explorer mindset that can be explored if you are a single, but still there are some things where you’d prefer not being one. The fact that all of your friends are not in the single zone anymore adds to the misery.

    1. Restaurants – it is no fun ordering the entire Pasta at the newly opened Johnny Rockets all by yourself. It is too huge a portion anyways.
    1. Holidaying alone – Who does that? Well, I know backpacking is a wonderful kind of a holiday, and you explore wonderful things, but well, not all the time. There are times when you wished there is someone who could do the planning bit of the trip!
    1. Party – Well, pubbing without a partner is just no fun. Many hip pubs do not even allow single entry. Anyways, if drinking alone is the agenda why bother with a pub?
    1. A good listener – All of us have sometime been in a mood were we just want to rant off about the irritating colleague, and wished there was a patient ear to take it all. Well, as I had mentioned, friends no longer being single does not help a bit!
    1. Coffee? – If you are a single girl, well everyone and his cousin wants to ask you this question. Mostly everyone. And the ratio of jerks to non-jerks is no great in this country, so all the best to you. Guys, it is no fun here either. For once you would want to go to a pub and mind your own business on the dance floor rather than conducting a psychographic analysis of every single female sitting out there.

    I could go on with such instances, but the fact of the matter remains – being Single is no Fun.

    With these little thoughts to ponder on a beautiful Sunday evening, I am off to my Happy Married life. See you till then.

    p.s.: An afterthought tells me, things can be rosy being single too! Does grass always seem greener on the other side?

  • Marriage rights in India

    Marriage is quite a funny thing in India. Once a guy hits the age of 23, everyone and his cousin start showing potential suitors to the guy’s parents. This ordeal begins at 21 itself for the girl!

    Someone who has ever had a faint acquaintance with your parents, and his neighbor, would just be interested in one single thing – getting you married. They all just turn into wonderful marriage counselors, match makers to marriage brokers. Sheetal goes through the same episode in her life. Here is a snippet:

    “You know Aparna? She is three years younger to you, and she is getting married next month”, yells twenty eight year old Sheetal’s mom disturbing the peaceful early morning meditative music in the room. “Well, If Aparna was desperately waiting for her legal age of marriage does not mean am jumping into the wagon with her”, Sheetal murmurs within her mind.

    “Every person has different set of priorities in life”, she wants to tell her mom, when her mom snaps back, “Remember Sunita Aunty? She was referring to a nice Punjabi guy she knows. Her Neighbors cousin’s Son. He is in Canada running his own business”.

    “Yes, Running his own Taxi Service am sure. He is probably a UBER driver”, Sheetal murmurs again without being audible, preferring to be silent and leave for her jog rather than pick up a fight early on in the morning.

    “She has become overweight. No wonder she is not getting married. Hope this regular jog helps her! Wahe guru! “, Sheetal hears her neighboring Sapna Aunty talking to her husband. “I AM FAT??? You are sick!” She again murmurs within her mind, and carries on with her jogging without sharing a look with Sapna Aunty.

    Her parents have always been supportive of her dreams and career aspirations, but now they are failing to withstand this surmounting pressure from all directions. They have a daughter with an age when she should be supposedly married and possibly also have a kid or two! Sheetal wants to make her mark in the corporate world, a place that she has fought so hard for?

    What could Sheetal possibly do?  What could her parents possibly do?

    Sheetal’s eventful day obviously does not end with the morning jog.

    Sheetal waves to Ahuja uncle, who is sipping the morning tea with her Father. “Who visits so early in the morning?”, She says to herself.

    Her Mom is busy making breakfast in the kitchen when Sheetal overhears the living room conversation, “Sheetal is in love with another ‘other caste’ boy. I saw her with someone in the Ambience Starbucks” utters Ahuja Uncle sipping tea. Her father just looks and does not say anything.

    “He is my colleague, and we were there for a client meeting”, Sheetal snaps at her Mom. Her Mom just looks at her with disdain, “Once you get married, people will stop talking like this”, and she continued frying the kachoris.

    “Sheetal, we have an appointment with the ophthalmologist at 11 AM today”, Sheetal’s dad reminded her.

    Sheetal pulled the car out of the garage, and zoomed on to the outer ring road, with her dad seated next to her. “What was Ahuja Uncle saying? That boy is Rahul, my colleague!”, she non-chalantly mentioned to her Dad, without taking her eye off from the road.

    “I know beta. But people would keep talking till you get married”, the car crossed Siri Fort.

    “Why do doctors give appointments if they have to make us all wait here forever?”, Sheetal wondered looking at the clock. Just then the attendant called them in.

    Her dad seated on the stool and reading random English letters, when Dr. Gupta started talking, “You should go for Lasik surgery to get rid of the glasses. you would get married immediately”.

    Sheetal looks at him with disgust, still keeping her smile intact. Thankfully her father intervened “F… Z… B… D… E…” increasing the volume of his voice attracting Dr. Gupta’s attention.

    Sheetal did not utter a word for the remaining time in the clinic. “Is this all people could think of? I have a job, a life, my dreams, my aspirations. Is there nothing else that could be spoken of me?”, Sheetal again wondered.

    The drive back home was silent, till her father dialled a number and started talking on the phone. “Sharmaji! Will the next Sunday be okay for the puja? Okay. Please whatsapp the list of items required.”

    Sheetal looks at her father with a quizzical look, and after a brief uncomfortable silence her father blurts out, “SharmaJi, our family pandit? He was on the call. He had warned me that you suffer from kuja dosha; that’s why you are not married yet. And, if you are not married by June you will never ever get married. This Puja would help ward off the dosh”

    “Really! You believe in all this?”, Sheetal looked at her dad with an aghast look. They reached home at the right time, without having any further discussion on this. Well, more had to come and Sheetal would only know this better. She has been living this life for some time now. It has only worsened as time passed.

    “I don’t want to come to the function. I get bored in such places”, Sheetal tried persuading her Mom, a copy of “Scion of Ikshvaku” still in her hands, folded at the page she was reading.

    “Come on Sheetal, it is your uncle’s 50th wedding anniversary party. And such places are good socializing venues for match making. Who knows you might just meet your Mr. Perfect?”, She chided.

    Sheetal agreed reluctantly, only because it was her favourite Uncle. And also, as she had been wanting to chat up with him about the prospects of an MBA abroad. She instantly put on her best ethnic dress, and pulled out the car from the garage.

    The party was at the Radisson hotel, and the drive through the “trafficked” Mahipalpur completely tired Sheetal. There was silence for most part of the journey. She obviously still could not come to terms with the Puja her father mentioned in the afternoon.

    The ballroom-1 was very elegantly decorated and Sheetal settled herself in a quiet corner with a glass of white sparkling wine. She got chatting with her younger cousin, Praks, enquiring about her college, when Lalita aunty interrupted. “How are you doing Sheetal? And How are you Praks?”, she waved at both of them.

    They got chatting and Praks cleverly excused himself out of the conversation. “You should s check out B Blunt parlour at GK-II market. Their facial actually makes you look fair. Boys like fair girls you know!”, Lalita aunty animatedly told Sheetal.

    Sheetal reluctantly smiled in agreement. “Why does she not leave me alone!”, she hoped.

    Sheetal’s mom walks into the conversation, and all three of them start discussing the dressing sense of another lady at the party.

    Sheetal looks towards the bar counter, trying to emulate Praks in escaping the small get together, when Lalita Aunty interrupts, “Sheetal, you should try the somvar vrata. The girl who stays on the lower floor in our complex did that for 16 weeks, and bham! 17th week she is engaged to a rich guy from Jaipur. She is now happily married, and last I heard she is expecting this December. Less than a year post wedding” and everyone starts giggling, except Sheetal whose anger is as clear as the skies on a bright sunny morning.

    Post a relatively uneventful dinner, Sheetal drives back home at 1 AM, along with her Mom and Dad. She changes, brushes her teeth like regular and snuggles into her blanket. Staring at the wall, she wonders, “Is marriage the only solution to get away from this banter all day?“. Sleeping away to wake up to one more “normal” day in a spinster’s life.

    Such is the irony of Indian life. America has just legalized the right for same sex marriage and here we struggle for the right to marry on our choice.

  • Hundred Days

    How time flies.

    It has been more than three months that I have scribbled something here, and yes, how time flies. So much has been happening in the last hundred days.

    (Yes, it is around hundred days that I have posted something here).

    The New Year started on a peaceful note, with a calm night at the home to welcome the New Year. So much unlike the previous years, where inevitably I would be totally inebriated and amidst high volume cacophony (yes that is how it seems now!) ringing in the New Year. This year, it was a calm evening dinner and reading at home, and then the customary cake cutting at the stroke of midnight. Yes, this is how it is now. A calm welcome to the days to come.

    Post the New Year beginning though has been a mad rush. I was on a long leave for three weeks, away from office, on a personal assignment. I got Married.

    The journey home itself was quite memorable with the flight to Vizag getting delayed by more than 4 hours, and we having two cabinet level ministers in the airplane for company. One of them happens to be the Civil Aviation Minister himself. It could not get more ironic. It showed how everyone is equal in front of nature. What possibly can be done on a foggy morning?

    I did indulge in some small talk, and on learning that the reason of their visit is to open the new IIM at Vizag, it did lead to some thought provoking conversation with the HRD Minister. Quite an eventful flight to begin the wedding celebrations.

    The traditional band-baaaja welcome at home and running the last minute errands amidst a whole lot of guests made the celebrations even grander. No wonder time just flew.

    Sunday, 25th January 2015, I got domesticated. I got married to Ankana Priyam.

    Post the wedding, after a couple of days at home (Vizag and the Pune), we flew away on our beachside honeymoon trip to Maldives. The short trip to the pristine beaches made us realize once again the hidden beauty in the amazing planet that we live in.

    Post the romantic getaway, we paid our respects and seeked blessing from the lord of the seven Hills, at Tirumala.

    Three weeks done. We are back to Gurgaon, back to normal life.

    …contd.

  • The complete test match.. not a One day event!

    On this blog, i keep writing about various things, and most of the time ( not always, do not hold me to this), it reflects my state of mind, and the thoughts that get translated into words.

    This is one article, i so think i should have written. About Marriage and its importance. now i am no sage on marriage, but this article so well connected. Aamir khan, Kudos!

    Let’s give marriage the importance it deserves — in every sense, financial, emotional, mental.

    Marriage is a terribly important part of life. It’s a partnership you form, a companion you choose, hopefully for the rest of your life. Someone who helps you, who supports you and vice versa. The way we view marriage and the way we approach it determines how our life could end up being.

    Today, I want to largely address youngsters, because most of you who are older are already married and for better or worse have already made your choices.

    In India we spend so much of our emotions, thoughts, time and money (that which we have, and that which we borrow), towards marriage. But do we actually spend all this time, effort, money and emotion towards marriage? I think not. In fact we concentrate all of these resources not on our marriage, but on our wedding day.

    “Bade dhoom dhaam se shaadi,” is probably one of the most common phrases in India. There’s so much of emotion, thought, focus, all concentrated on the ‘event’: “How will I look on that one day?” “How will society perceive me and my chosen partner?” “What will they say about the wedding arrangements?” “What will they say about the invitation card?” “What will they say about the food?” “What will they say about the clothes?”

    Now, this ‘they’ we refer to are our friends, our relatives and other people in society whom we are acquainted with, and whom we hope to invite. And most of our energy goes towards making this one day a success. Often, even our choice of spouse is in some way linked with the driving need to make the day perfect. Haven’t all of us heard these statements: “Meri beti engineer se shaadi karegi.” “Meri beti IAS se shaadi kar rahi hai.” “My daughter is marrying an NRI.” We imagine that people admire such choices, and their admiration makes us happy. We allow our choice of spouse to very often be dictated by how people will perceive us. But the hard truth is that ‘they’ are not going to spend the rest of their life with the groom or the bride.

    Sometimes we simply choose the ‘khandaan,’ the family or the aura surrounding the family, and not the individual himself or herself. “My son is marrying so and so’s daughter.” “My daughter is marrying such and such’s son.” We tend to focus, not on the groom or bride but on the label attached to him or her.

    Now let’s examine a few other important aspects of marriage.

    Time

    After we’ve spent the bulk of our time worrying about others’ perceptions, we spend tons of time deciding what to wear. We do intense R&D on honeymoon destinations. We spend time discussing arrangements, menus, guest lists. All of these are great cause for arguments. All this time is being spent in preparation for ‘the day.’ But how much time do we spend on the most critical decision — selecting the correct life partner? Who is the girl I’m marrying? Who is the boy I’m planning to spend the rest of my life with? Don’t we want to know them as human beings? Understand his or her nature, value system? Are we on the same wavelength? Is there compatibility? Does he or she have a sense of humour? Is this the person with whom I want to spend the rest of my life? Instead of taking ample time to make this very crucial decision, very often, marriages are fixed after just one meeting. “Chalo baat pakki hogayi. Muh meetha karo.”

    In India, most marriages are arranged. We check on the prospective groom’s/bride’s family, caste, home, education, income, bank balance, appearance and complexion. But all of these things are purely superficial. Why don’t we utilise the same time and effort in understanding the human being we are about to (hopefully) spend the rest of our life with?

    Should you agree to spend the rest of your life with someone just because he/she carries an attractive label such as IIT or MBBS? Is one marrying the person or the label? Shared interests, like-mindedness, companionship, shared sensibility, sense of humour — shouldn’t all this matter?

    Money

    We spend a lot of money on the wedding day. The rich spend beyond measure — each competing with the other in extravagance. The middle class or working class pours all its earnings and savings into the wedding. If you have the money, by all means decide how you want to spend it. But for those who are not wealthy, for whom every rupee earned is precious, for whom a daughter’s wedding means pouring everything you have earned, or saved, it means breaking fixed deposits, selling assets and taking loans. Instead of spending all that money on the wedding day, why not decide to take the amount set aside for the girl’s wedding and give it to her to use to kick-start her new life with her spouse? Instead of that lavish function, why not just have a simple, sharbat wedding and give the girl the money instead? It will be so useful for her life? I believe sharbat weddings are a great idea. Call as many people as you desire, serve them a soft drink and say thank you for coming and for blessing the newlyweds.

    Have fun. Enjoy the day. Make merry. But with simplicity.

    Youngsters, tell your parents, “We don’t want a big function. Let me use the money for something important that helps my life. Let me use the money to invest in building the foundation for a happy married life.”

    Emotions

    All our emotions are trained on ‘that day.’ What will happen on that day? What will people think and say? How happy will I be that day? Will the day be memorable? But instead, should we not be thinking of how we will feel for the next 40 years of married life? Let’s not barter one day of happiness for a lifetime of unhappiness. Our emotions need to be invested not in that one day, but in a lifetime.

    Think about life ahead, not just that one day. Let’s give marriage the importance it deserves — in every sense, financial, emotional, mental. Let’s give it our time, emotions and energies to plan those years that lie ahead. Therefore, the key is the person you have chosen as your life partner. That is the only element you should be thinking of and no other. And please take your time over that decision. Understand, probe, check, go deep. The better you do this, the happier life is likely to be. Take the step of marrying only when you are fully satisfied about the character and temperament of the person you are marrying.

    Dowry I am totally opposed to. This is a retrograde practice, and also illegal. Think about it — can a relationship, built on the foundation of money and greed, ever be meaningful or beautiful? Should we not invest in our daughter’s education instead of saving up for her dowry? Make her so accomplished and independent that she is capable of crafting her own future, and becomes the master of her own happiness. Then she won’t need a greedy, useless groom to complete her life. Let her marry a person who respects her. Let her marry a man who she believes is worthy of her. Whom she is happy to spend the rest of her life with.

    Satyamev Jayate!

    Knowing well, that most of my friends do not read The Hindu ( where the article is published), i deemed it necessary to republish the entire content.