BRAToSPHERE

Tag: love

  • Arranged Love – Book Review

    After reading a lot of heavy books of late, “Arranged Love” by Parul Mittal caught my eye at the Mumbai airport. Browsing through it generated some interest and the price point just demanded an impulse purchase from me.

    Was it worth it? Read on.

    Arranged love is a very common concept in India where arranged marriages thrive and everything from the shaadi ka mandap, baraaat, khana, peena and rona dhona can be arranged, including love.

    The plot? Well, it is one more in the chic lit series without much of a plot and which more looks like an autobiographical account of the author.

    Actually, I think, the genesis of all such books is aspirational. Every individual has this dream version of his/ her own life and because that is not happening in the real world, a book is written on the same. Obviously the usual masala of sex, love and some rona dhona is added to make it saleable or rather publish worthy. Penguin ain’t picking you otherwise.

    Coming back to the book, it is about a female protagonist who is studying in the US and dating an American. She comes back to India due to the recession where the whole drama part starts. Her Dad wants to set her up and her mom wants her to settle down – both want her to get married to the IIT boy they have selected. Lot of happenings, office romance, Drunken stupors later we come to an end of the story. What happens in the end is anyone’s guess, but well I would not want to spoil the suspense.

    One thing that I loved about the book is the characterization of each of the characters which has been etched in detail that you feel that you start relating to them.

    Different frustu characters in the office and the male protagonist being shown as a superstud, the elderly sister who has complete clarity in life and the completely opposite cousin who wants to experiment with everything sex on it. At the end of the book you feel you have known them all for sometime now.

    The whole treatment of the plot with Hinglish slang again makes you feel completely at Home

    The video ad for the book : http://youtu.be/yyFv3ddiB1o

    Would I recommend this book? Well, if you fly frequently and hate sleeping during the flight, this book can make for good company.

    By the way is the next book called “Love Arranged!”. Would make for an interesting read.

  • Love marriage in India

    This has been happening for quite sometime. Wake up in the morning, log on to your facebook and you see one more notification of someone getting engaged, someone getting married, someone getting laid! (Probably mark should add this functionality too!).

    And obviously so, this is the marriage season on in india, and I belong to this group or this age, where people do generally get married. So, it is nothing but obvious that my friends are all getting hooked.

    Interacting with many of these recently married, or soon to be married couples, gives me one good insight. Get an arranged marriage, and it is just an affair. Dare an affair, and there are lots of things to be arranged. The biggest of them all, convincing parents.

    More the differences, more time consuming it is.

    1. Different caste?

    The most common problem. Everyone, right from the mom and dad, to the door ka uncle, whom you meet only during weddings, and also the kaam wali bai, who needs to know why are you getting married to someone outside your caste. Understandable if you are a parsi, and your community population is dwindling, but not otherwise, they say.

    A reddy girl, cannot marry a choudhary guy. Final. Why? Both the families celebrate the same set of festivals, have similar rituals, follow similar traditions, and even look quite similar. So why? You may ask? A No, is a NO! unless you want your limbs cut off, by one of our factionist brothers from Telangana. (Anyways, the nosed man is not very active these days!)

    2. Different language?

    Again a big obstacle, and a very common one! Come on now, India has about a 1000 languages ( 18 official languages), and liberalization has allowed us to travel across the country. It is obvious that a Tam-Brahm girl would fall in love with a Punju guy ( remember 2 States, by Chetan Bhagat), or a rajasthani girl being pataaofied by a mallu guy! But well, parents on either side would sure be dead against it. Why? Dude, you want your father to be able to atleast communicate to your father in law!

    Living in both Chennai, and Delhi, the difference in life style could not get more starker. They could have been two completely different countries all together. Iraq and America would have more similarities, in every walk of life!

    How do you convince you parents? Show them the beauty of multi cultural interaction, and tell your punju father how it is very important to be learning to save more money from your Tamilian filter coffee drinking, Hindu paper reading father in law!

    3. Different religion?

    All hell breaks lose! WHY? Why? And after many more doubts on proper downloads of sanskar, the mother still asks WHY? Why on earth you, a pious Brahmin boy, who does not eat good things like chicken and mutton at home (and hogs the same like a pig in a hotel with beer!) want to get married to a muslim girl? WHY?

    In this case, the occasional kashmira shawl sales man also needs to be convinced. After all, a muslim girl is going to come next to buy his shawls.

    Remember Veer-Jaara, convince your parents that you are doing all this in for the betterment of the Indian society, and to ensure cross-cultural exposure to your kids! Or maybe, you can just tell them, it is necessary like IIPM has a necessary international exposure!

    Beware, they might just slam you back with Sonia Gandhi’s example, and try showing you logic that only if Rajiv Gandhi had married a hindu girl, the country would have been a lot better now! No Italian dope to the dying BJP!( yeah, and who know, No Bofors case for the CBI. No Q)

    4. Rich – poor divide?

    Now this is a very serious difference.  How can a Raja bhoj, let his daughter get married to a gangu telli? Remember Dulhe Raja? But well, the dulha needs to be determined, and push his way through to the riches and the coffins of his soon-to-be father in law. Whatever it takes.

    This particularly reminds me of a friend, Raju, who recently had to meet his rich girl’s parents to convince them for their marriage. After the initial pleasantries, the soon-to-be father in law (FIL) guided Raju to the study room to get to know him better.

    “So, Raju, What are your plans?” FIL asks Raju

    “I’m an software engineer at Acer, working for the last four years.”, raju replied sheepishly knowing very well that his meager salary of 3.3 lakhs per annum was less than FIL’s daily income.

    “Well, that’s admirable” FIL replied. “But what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter?”

    “I will work hard, and God will surely provide for us” Raju explained.

    “And how will you buy her a nice engagement ring?”

    “I will work hard, and God will provide for us”

    “And children?” asked the father.  “How will you support children?”

    “Not a worry, sir, God will provide” replied Raju non-chalantly.

    The conversation continued for about 10 more minutes in much the same fashion.

    After Raju left, his girl asked her father what did he feel of Raju?

    “Well, he has no sound job, income and no plans either”, he despairs with the girl looking at him with tension written all across her face.

    “But, the good news is that he thinks I’m God”

    “You can marry him!”, egoistically.

    They are now getting married in June.

    This brings me to the next divide, EGO!

    5. Ego clashes?

    Mohabbatein! If you remember seeing the SRK romantic movie of early 2000’s, you would realize that there is no solid reason for the father Amitabh bacchhan to reject SRK’s candidature. ( This is what marriages have become, one more job opening!). It was just his ego, that he could not let go!

    I wonder, why are most of the parents against the overall concept of a love marriage? I know of a friend, who loved a girl from his same caste, and everything. If he would have applied for an arranged marriage, a good possibility that his parents could have selected the same girl! But they were against this alliance? Surprising!

    It is more to do with the inherent right that parent seem to be losing than anything else. At the birth of a child itself, the parent takes this ordeal of selecting a bride for their son, as their inate right. Now when you, the son, gets a girl on your own, your are stealing them of this right, and they do not want that.

    No parent would accept this, but this seems to be the inherent truth!

    Again, here, persistence is the only way guys!

    6. Age difference?

    Guy elder to girl by any number of years, still okay! Girl elder to guy? Unpardonable. It is an age old custom without any sound logic. In the olden days, it was considered normal for the guy to be atleast 10 years elder to the girl.

    In the good olden days, the men fought wars, while the women filled bindis of water from far off places. In this milieu, it was necessary that the guy crosses a certain threshold of age to get married, and parents of girls have always been desperate to get their daughters married off as quickly as possible.

    A recent study says, that girls tend to age more quickly than guys, and thus to maintain compatibility and also to ensure that the couple looks good together it was necessary that the girl is younger to her husband. A different study also says that women have an average life expectancy atleast 5 years more then men. By this logic,  to avoid the woman from spending more years as a widow, she should be allowed to marry grooms five years younger to her, to ensure death at the same time.

    Ultimately, whatever your parents give as a reason for this, there is no way in which you can overcome this. The girl, if elder to you, is always going to remain so, and the only way to overcome this is to die hard convince your parents.

    I personally think, this norm that guys should be elder to their wives, stem from the inherent need of every male to be dominating, and ensuring younger wife gave them a free license to do this!

    And if this was not enough, Let me remind you that God’s wife is elder to him! (er! Sachin Tendulkar)

    7. Boy – Boy?

    This is something that is very much in fashion of late, and the Indian constitution has recently also legalized it. Now this is one case, where the issue stems due to the lack of a difference, unlike the remaining reason where the issue is due the reasons. Now the basic reason for this issue,  is lack of awareness and an inherent tendency against change that each of us have it within. You father would say, “You marrying a boy? Which boy gets married to a boy? I have not seen anyone being happy after doing this!”

    Probably, our generation, after seeing many a happy gay couples would allow our children to pursue the sexuality and the orientation of their choice!

    Whatever be the reason guys ( and girls!), if the voice within you shouts that yes, “She is the one! She is the one!” No reason or difference( or maybe the lack of it) should stop you from relentlessly pursuing it. Nothing on earth can come between us should be the motto, and watch titanic to gather inspiration.

    Okay! Need more inspiration? Watch any hindi movie, and this would be the theme plot. Want more realistic inspiration? Watch a telugu movie, sans the fights!

    This post is dedicated to Srinivas Jarkula, who is getting married this Sunday in the district capital of KHAMMAM! (Well, it is some obscure place in Andhra!) Wish you guys a very very happy married life!

  • Off to New York?? – Part I

    This story is about a friend and a rather funny incident that happened to her.

    Anaisha. Just a week back she was full of excitement, confusion and in a complete dilemma. She was shifting jobs, and was confused if she should actually take it up. The previous job in a start up was going good, but too taxing, and here she had an offer from an established consultancy. It seemed like a no brainer, but well there were issues. Not too interesting, and so we leave out the details here.

    Well, the most important part, she was flying down to the US for three months for some training by this established consultancy ( let’s call it EstaCon). She was all excited. Anybody would. She was flying down to the US!!

    She was supposed to be flying on 23rd january sunday, and was getting all prepared for it. I remember meeting her on the Thursday before that, and she had just completed a wild wild shopping spree that evening. She had more than 5 bags in her hand, and Ahen, who unfortunately accompanied her to shopping, was carrying another two. She had bought like everything possible, and I had to continuously remind her that she was flying to new York, and not kazhakasthan, and everything would be available there. For gods sake, I am sure RICE of all things would sure be available there!

    We had dinner together that night. Actually it was less of eating, and more of she telling me about all her shopping, and trust me, it took the entire evening to complete the list. I have no clue how we managed to get all that stuff on my Activa driving back home, dropping her on the way. It helped that both of us are not bestowed upon very generously on the body.

    Anaisha’s flight was scheduled at 8 AM on sunday morning, in british airways. Saturday night, she was at her friends place, all night. One of her colleagues ( lets call her peskina) called her at about 9PM asking her if she would join her on the way to the airport next morning.

    “NO, My boyfriend is coming to drop me”, Anaisha replies back in complete haughtiness and with full on attitude.

    “Oh! But can we three not go together?”, Peskina asks desperately.

    “Damn, the cab would get paid for by the company. Why does she just not take a separate one?”, Anaisha anguishes.

    “Oh! No, We got to spend some time together”, with a i-can’t-get-more-on-the face- look Anaisha replies.

    “OKAY. Can you atleast follow my cab on the way to the airport. I am scared of travelling alone you see!”

    YES I SEE.

    “Sure”, and Anaisha hangs up.

    “She wasted precious three minutes sweet heart”, she hugs her guy Karan.

    All night, karan and Anaisha are awake, talking senti stuff about the long gap that they would have to be separate from each other. Anaisha had just, six months back, shifted base to Bangalore to be with him full time, and here she was off seven seas away for a complete three months.

    This is the first part of this journey to new York. The second part would be out soon!

  • The perfect Valentine’s day

    For those who know me would agree that I am a complete romantic, and love love stories. ( heard this in some telugu movie – I LOVE LOVE STORIES!)

    With the valentine’s day soon approaching, all guys out there must be tearing their hair apart thinking of that one big way, to make that particular day special. To add to their dismay, marketing companies like hallmark, archies have designed a complete Valentine’s week to increase their market scope. All the more painful for guys out there.

    Here I attempt to give you some tips and some things you can surprise your girl with this valentine.

    Make music. Whether it’s for the Bryan Adams show here in Bangalore, or a pure simple musical, or maybe even a Jazz pub in town. There is nothing more romantic than music, except of course for..

    Shall we dance?. Richard Gere had Lopez going week in her knees once he asked her this. Girls love dancing, and whatever style you choose— Salsa, Tango or Sadda Banghrap—even if you don’t like dancing, she will definitely love that you gave it a whirl, and literally so.

    Breakfast. This is something we used to do back in campus, after a night long binge session. But yes, it does gets a nod from women too. If you are the early bird types, or one of those countless unlucky ones who is working this Monday, this one is for you. Go ahead and build up an appetite before you even get out of bed. There’s no better place to start celebrating bright and an early Valentine’s day than at a secluded bed-and-breakfast. Check in the previous night in the hotel after partying, and have a sumptuous breakfast in the morning. Your boss can wait till 2PM on Monday to talk to you.

    Dinner and movie night. There is a reason for this being a classic combo, since my grandfather’s generation. Go out on a evening movie, then pack in a pizza, get some wine, and have a romantic getaway in the balcony of your apartment all night staring at the skies and the stars. ( YES, I would prefer this to any of the above!) Make the romantic night more charming by giving Novelty Socks as a gift to your loved one.

    Do nothing. Why stop the buck with just one day. Valentine’s day is just like any other day, coz I love my girl with the same gusto each and every day of the year, 365 days of the year. If you are someone who believes this, then this one is for you. True, women want to be loved and appreciated all year round. Take it up a notch by just being your usual self even this Monday. (disclaimer: I don’t take any guarantee of the relationship lasting after Monday,  if you follow this)

    Well, after doing any one or more of these, your girl is still not impressed by you, it could just mean two things –

    1. She is plain simple, not worth it, enroll her in ShahRukhKhan’s classes by gifting her the complete movie sets of the star, and better luck next valentine.
    2. She must be reading BRAToSPHERE, in that case, please pass on the number in the comments section.

  • Heart vs. Mind

    This quintessential fight between the heart and the mind keeps happening all the time. I am sure each on of us regularly face this dilemma, and come to a standstill where we have to select a path. And that, as iterated in the previous post, leads to confusion. Opportunity??

    It’s typical in our society to feel a conflict between what we want to do (our heart) and what we feel is practical (our mind). We end up living  a good part of our lives doing things that we don’t really like or enjoy. We do and say things that we think are cool, and would help us “fit in” into this artificial sphere formed by the society. We try keeping ourselves contended in our mind, and never realize that it is the heart that needs to be contented.

    This does cause heartaches at every point in our lives, but we just get used to it and move one. What would have happened if we had rather listened to the heart in that critical confusing moment? We might have not been this rich, this comfortable, might not be having these luxuries, might be. But then, we would have been much much more happier. And who knows, following your heart, no matter how impractical it might seem, might lead to never foreseen opportunities, and new avenues. A more content life!

    Is my heart at fault? Are my feelings just silly and frivolous? Or maybe it’s my mind that’s to blame. It seems like it’s always coming up with conflicting messages anyway.

    I remember seeing a poster in a book shop in vizag when I was young – “ choose a career in something you enjoy, and you will never ever have to work a single day in your life!”.

    How many of us actually be able to do it? The conformist society comes in place,  and camouflages the entire thought process. The security, risk averseness, secure life, etc all these come into picture leaving the dreams on a standstill and keeping them on hold, most of the times forever.

    What does one do in such a dilemma? Whose side does one take in such situations – Heart or Mind?

    Heart vs. Mind?

    A perfect analogy to this heart mind thing would be this. Imagine yourself as this young 28 something guy, who wants to ( heart calling) get married to this good looking simple girl, and has been pursuing her leaving his flirtatious behaviour behind. Now, in this pursuit, where he starts thinking if he would actually get the simple girl ever, there is this awesomely good looking super hotel seductress( read mind) who shows herself. This simple guy is now getting attracted to the deep cleavages( read benefits in a secure manner) and is drifting towards her, forgetting that his heart still wants to be with the simple girl. The simple girl would be a better deal, but right now the seductress has much more to offer! But.. But.. The true love, the heart, still stays with the simple girl!

    What do you do? Simple girl? or Seductress??