BRAToSPHERE

Category: LOVE

  • Finally..

    I have been taking digs at people, ridiculed the very thought of it, and always wondered how could people do this to themselves. But I guess, everybody goes through it, and I always believed this – eventually I would fall for it too!

    This post here might take some by surprise, some by shock and most would hate me for announcing this here before telling them, but well it all happened so quick!

    I’m getting married.

    I have written countless number of articles about relationships, marriage and everything in between. I have written about love stories, love affairs and what not? Never ever thought the day I would be writing about my marriage, would be so soon. I always thought I still have a couple more romantic posts to go, before I actually tie the knot, but well fate seemed to have different ideas.

    There are a lot of good arguments against marriage, and well who would know this better than me? I have been championing the cause for so long now! But well, as one of my friend who had recently got engaged mentioned – You just take that Gut call, and take the leap. Just, for this one time, you would have to trust yourself and just jump, and everything would be fine.

    Listen to the inner heart and the small little voice from there and you would get your answer. I always laughed and rubbished the idea – now I guess I have started believing in that! Yes, Marriage still seems like this not-really-necessary incident in a perfectly going fun life of a twenty something (okay! Twenty five something) boy’s life. But well, for this one time, I would like to believe, that the grass is greener on the other side.

    Change is the essence of life, and the future seems more beautiful. For once, a bird in hand is worth two in the bush, does not apply to your perceived perfect bachelorhood life!

    Beyond a point, you need some meaning in your life. You want to get some routine to your random life. You feel that, when you return home in the evening after office, there should be someone whom you can look forward to. You should feel excited about getting back home in the evening. Look forward to the weekend ahead, and wait for the smallest of the holidays, to run away to a nearby weekend getaway.

    And I have just jumped, that point! Am I excited? Yes! Am I nervous? A little! But the most important question – Am I happy? Have never been happier!!

    Getting to who is she? How did I meet her? How did this all happen? When is THE DATE? And other details, well, all of that needs a longer post.

    Come on Guys, This is a once-in-a-lifetime moment!

  • Love marriage in India

    This has been happening for quite sometime. Wake up in the morning, log on to your facebook and you see one more notification of someone getting engaged, someone getting married, someone getting laid! (Probably mark should add this functionality too!).

    And obviously so, this is the marriage season on in india, and I belong to this group or this age, where people do generally get married. So, it is nothing but obvious that my friends are all getting hooked.

    Interacting with many of these recently married, or soon to be married couples, gives me one good insight. Get an arranged marriage, and it is just an affair. Dare an affair, and there are lots of things to be arranged. The biggest of them all, convincing parents.

    More the differences, more time consuming it is.

    1. Different caste?

    The most common problem. Everyone, right from the mom and dad, to the door ka uncle, whom you meet only during weddings, and also the kaam wali bai, who needs to know why are you getting married to someone outside your caste. Understandable if you are a parsi, and your community population is dwindling, but not otherwise, they say.

    A reddy girl, cannot marry a choudhary guy. Final. Why? Both the families celebrate the same set of festivals, have similar rituals, follow similar traditions, and even look quite similar. So why? You may ask? A No, is a NO! unless you want your limbs cut off, by one of our factionist brothers from Telangana. (Anyways, the nosed man is not very active these days!)

    2. Different language?

    Again a big obstacle, and a very common one! Come on now, India has about a 1000 languages ( 18 official languages), and liberalization has allowed us to travel across the country. It is obvious that a Tam-Brahm girl would fall in love with a Punju guy ( remember 2 States, by Chetan Bhagat), or a rajasthani girl being pataaofied by a mallu guy! But well, parents on either side would sure be dead against it. Why? Dude, you want your father to be able to atleast communicate to your father in law!

    Living in both Chennai, and Delhi, the difference in life style could not get more starker. They could have been two completely different countries all together. Iraq and America would have more similarities, in every walk of life!

    How do you convince you parents? Show them the beauty of multi cultural interaction, and tell your punju father how it is very important to be learning to save more money from your Tamilian filter coffee drinking, Hindu paper reading father in law!

    3. Different religion?

    All hell breaks lose! WHY? Why? And after many more doubts on proper downloads of sanskar, the mother still asks WHY? Why on earth you, a pious Brahmin boy, who does not eat good things like chicken and mutton at home (and hogs the same like a pig in a hotel with beer!) want to get married to a muslim girl? WHY?

    In this case, the occasional kashmira shawl sales man also needs to be convinced. After all, a muslim girl is going to come next to buy his shawls.

    Remember Veer-Jaara, convince your parents that you are doing all this in for the betterment of the Indian society, and to ensure cross-cultural exposure to your kids! Or maybe, you can just tell them, it is necessary like IIPM has a necessary international exposure!

    Beware, they might just slam you back with Sonia Gandhi’s example, and try showing you logic that only if Rajiv Gandhi had married a hindu girl, the country would have been a lot better now! No Italian dope to the dying BJP!( yeah, and who know, No Bofors case for the CBI. No Q)

    4. Rich – poor divide?

    Now this is a very serious difference.  How can a Raja bhoj, let his daughter get married to a gangu telli? Remember Dulhe Raja? But well, the dulha needs to be determined, and push his way through to the riches and the coffins of his soon-to-be father in law. Whatever it takes.

    This particularly reminds me of a friend, Raju, who recently had to meet his rich girl’s parents to convince them for their marriage. After the initial pleasantries, the soon-to-be father in law (FIL) guided Raju to the study room to get to know him better.

    “So, Raju, What are your plans?” FIL asks Raju

    “I’m an software engineer at Acer, working for the last four years.”, raju replied sheepishly knowing very well that his meager salary of 3.3 lakhs per annum was less than FIL’s daily income.

    “Well, that’s admirable” FIL replied. “But what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter?”

    “I will work hard, and God will surely provide for us” Raju explained.

    “And how will you buy her a nice engagement ring?”

    “I will work hard, and God will provide for us”

    “And children?” asked the father.  “How will you support children?”

    “Not a worry, sir, God will provide” replied Raju non-chalantly.

    The conversation continued for about 10 more minutes in much the same fashion.

    After Raju left, his girl asked her father what did he feel of Raju?

    “Well, he has no sound job, income and no plans either”, he despairs with the girl looking at him with tension written all across her face.

    “But, the good news is that he thinks I’m God”

    “You can marry him!”, egoistically.

    They are now getting married in June.

    This brings me to the next divide, EGO!

    5. Ego clashes?

    Mohabbatein! If you remember seeing the SRK romantic movie of early 2000’s, you would realize that there is no solid reason for the father Amitabh bacchhan to reject SRK’s candidature. ( This is what marriages have become, one more job opening!). It was just his ego, that he could not let go!

    I wonder, why are most of the parents against the overall concept of a love marriage? I know of a friend, who loved a girl from his same caste, and everything. If he would have applied for an arranged marriage, a good possibility that his parents could have selected the same girl! But they were against this alliance? Surprising!

    It is more to do with the inherent right that parent seem to be losing than anything else. At the birth of a child itself, the parent takes this ordeal of selecting a bride for their son, as their inate right. Now when you, the son, gets a girl on your own, your are stealing them of this right, and they do not want that.

    No parent would accept this, but this seems to be the inherent truth!

    Again, here, persistence is the only way guys!

    6. Age difference?

    Guy elder to girl by any number of years, still okay! Girl elder to guy? Unpardonable. It is an age old custom without any sound logic. In the olden days, it was considered normal for the guy to be atleast 10 years elder to the girl.

    In the good olden days, the men fought wars, while the women filled bindis of water from far off places. In this milieu, it was necessary that the guy crosses a certain threshold of age to get married, and parents of girls have always been desperate to get their daughters married off as quickly as possible.

    A recent study says, that girls tend to age more quickly than guys, and thus to maintain compatibility and also to ensure that the couple looks good together it was necessary that the girl is younger to her husband. A different study also says that women have an average life expectancy atleast 5 years more then men. By this logic,  to avoid the woman from spending more years as a widow, she should be allowed to marry grooms five years younger to her, to ensure death at the same time.

    Ultimately, whatever your parents give as a reason for this, there is no way in which you can overcome this. The girl, if elder to you, is always going to remain so, and the only way to overcome this is to die hard convince your parents.

    I personally think, this norm that guys should be elder to their wives, stem from the inherent need of every male to be dominating, and ensuring younger wife gave them a free license to do this!

    And if this was not enough, Let me remind you that God’s wife is elder to him! (er! Sachin Tendulkar)

    7. Boy – Boy?

    This is something that is very much in fashion of late, and the Indian constitution has recently also legalized it. Now this is one case, where the issue stems due to the lack of a difference, unlike the remaining reason where the issue is due the reasons. Now the basic reason for this issue,  is lack of awareness and an inherent tendency against change that each of us have it within. You father would say, “You marrying a boy? Which boy gets married to a boy? I have not seen anyone being happy after doing this!”

    Probably, our generation, after seeing many a happy gay couples would allow our children to pursue the sexuality and the orientation of their choice!

    Whatever be the reason guys ( and girls!), if the voice within you shouts that yes, “She is the one! She is the one!” No reason or difference( or maybe the lack of it) should stop you from relentlessly pursuing it. Nothing on earth can come between us should be the motto, and watch titanic to gather inspiration.

    Okay! Need more inspiration? Watch any hindi movie, and this would be the theme plot. Want more realistic inspiration? Watch a telugu movie, sans the fights!

    This post is dedicated to Srinivas Jarkula, who is getting married this Sunday in the district capital of KHAMMAM! (Well, it is some obscure place in Andhra!) Wish you guys a very very happy married life!

  • Off to New York?? – Part I

    This story is about a friend and a rather funny incident that happened to her.

    Anaisha. Just a week back she was full of excitement, confusion and in a complete dilemma. She was shifting jobs, and was confused if she should actually take it up. The previous job in a start up was going good, but too taxing, and here she had an offer from an established consultancy. It seemed like a no brainer, but well there were issues. Not too interesting, and so we leave out the details here.

    Well, the most important part, she was flying down to the US for three months for some training by this established consultancy ( let’s call it EstaCon). She was all excited. Anybody would. She was flying down to the US!!

    She was supposed to be flying on 23rd january sunday, and was getting all prepared for it. I remember meeting her on the Thursday before that, and she had just completed a wild wild shopping spree that evening. She had more than 5 bags in her hand, and Ahen, who unfortunately accompanied her to shopping, was carrying another two. She had bought like everything possible, and I had to continuously remind her that she was flying to new York, and not kazhakasthan, and everything would be available there. For gods sake, I am sure RICE of all things would sure be available there!

    We had dinner together that night. Actually it was less of eating, and more of she telling me about all her shopping, and trust me, it took the entire evening to complete the list. I have no clue how we managed to get all that stuff on my Activa driving back home, dropping her on the way. It helped that both of us are not bestowed upon very generously on the body.

    Anaisha’s flight was scheduled at 8 AM on sunday morning, in british airways. Saturday night, she was at her friends place, all night. One of her colleagues ( lets call her peskina) called her at about 9PM asking her if she would join her on the way to the airport next morning.

    “NO, My boyfriend is coming to drop me”, Anaisha replies back in complete haughtiness and with full on attitude.

    “Oh! But can we three not go together?”, Peskina asks desperately.

    “Damn, the cab would get paid for by the company. Why does she just not take a separate one?”, Anaisha anguishes.

    “Oh! No, We got to spend some time together”, with a i-can’t-get-more-on-the face- look Anaisha replies.

    “OKAY. Can you atleast follow my cab on the way to the airport. I am scared of travelling alone you see!”

    YES I SEE.

    “Sure”, and Anaisha hangs up.

    “She wasted precious three minutes sweet heart”, she hugs her guy Karan.

    All night, karan and Anaisha are awake, talking senti stuff about the long gap that they would have to be separate from each other. Anaisha had just, six months back, shifted base to Bangalore to be with him full time, and here she was off seven seas away for a complete three months.

    This is the first part of this journey to new York. The second part would be out soon!

  • Valentine to Marriage?

    Every year, people all across the world, join together to celebrate this festival called VALENTINE’s DAY. Guess, it should be the single most festival celebrated in the maximum number of countries, next maybe only to Christmas.

    To start with, a very happy valentine’s day to you all. Thank you so much for bearing through all the posts leading to this one, and here I would like to end the series with a thought!

    The movie Dil to pagal had celebrated love like nothing else, and in this quest how could yash uncle not have a valentine’s day celebration fit in. It did.

    Here, an interesting observation made by SRK is what led me to think this – These couples all look so happy, so much in love, but how many of them would actually be with the same partners the next years party too? In the facebook generation that we are living in right now, quick patch ups, and quicker break ups are an IN thing.

    A bigger question to be asked here – How many of these “love” relationships would actually end in marriage?

    (This question pertains only to those who are on the wrong balding side of 25, the other side can still take time!).

    The post is short, and understandably so. I don’t want to be seen as someone who considers writing blog posts on valentine’s day as the most romantic thing to do.

    ”COMING…”

    okay guys, need to go, and once again.. A VERY VERY HAPPY VALENTINE’s DAY.

    Do think!

    ~ “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person”

  • The perfect Valentine’s day

    For those who know me would agree that I am a complete romantic, and love love stories. ( heard this in some telugu movie – I LOVE LOVE STORIES!)

    With the valentine’s day soon approaching, all guys out there must be tearing their hair apart thinking of that one big way, to make that particular day special. To add to their dismay, marketing companies like hallmark, archies have designed a complete Valentine’s week to increase their market scope. All the more painful for guys out there.

    Here I attempt to give you some tips and some things you can surprise your girl with this valentine.

    Make music. Whether it’s for the Bryan Adams show here in Bangalore, or a pure simple musical, or maybe even a Jazz pub in town. There is nothing more romantic than music, except of course for..

    Shall we dance?. Richard Gere had Lopez going week in her knees once he asked her this. Girls love dancing, and whatever style you choose— Salsa, Tango or Sadda Banghrap—even if you don’t like dancing, she will definitely love that you gave it a whirl, and literally so.

    Breakfast. This is something we used to do back in campus, after a night long binge session. But yes, it does gets a nod from women too. If you are the early bird types, or one of those countless unlucky ones who is working this Monday, this one is for you. Go ahead and build up an appetite before you even get out of bed. There’s no better place to start celebrating bright and an early Valentine’s day than at a secluded bed-and-breakfast. Check in the previous night in the hotel after partying, and have a sumptuous breakfast in the morning. Your boss can wait till 2PM on Monday to talk to you.

    Dinner and movie night. There is a reason for this being a classic combo, since my grandfather’s generation. Go out on a evening movie, then pack in a pizza, get some wine, and have a romantic getaway in the balcony of your apartment all night staring at the skies and the stars. ( YES, I would prefer this to any of the above!) Make the romantic night more charming by giving Novelty Socks as a gift to your loved one.

    Do nothing. Why stop the buck with just one day. Valentine’s day is just like any other day, coz I love my girl with the same gusto each and every day of the year, 365 days of the year. If you are someone who believes this, then this one is for you. True, women want to be loved and appreciated all year round. Take it up a notch by just being your usual self even this Monday. (disclaimer: I don’t take any guarantee of the relationship lasting after Monday,  if you follow this)

    Well, after doing any one or more of these, your girl is still not impressed by you, it could just mean two things –

    1. She is plain simple, not worth it, enroll her in ShahRukhKhan’s classes by gifting her the complete movie sets of the star, and better luck next valentine.
    2. She must be reading BRAToSPHERE, in that case, please pass on the number in the comments section.