BRAToSPHERE

Category: Funny

  • Crossed 26.. on the way to 28!

    I turned 26 years old some time back, and am now on the way to hit 27. What a wonderful journey it has been.

    I recently came across this rant on facebook, on why 26-28 is not a nice age for a man, and thought I should tie it up in eternality on my blog, and not let it die on the transient Facebook.

    The reasons why 26-28 is not a nice age for a man :

    • all your ex-desires are getting married
    • Your career has just started,
    • Elders treat you as unproven theorems,
    • College guys feel that you are too old to have in their group
    • You seem to enjoy both cartoon and news
    • You can no longer eat whatever you wish without putting on weight
    • You look like an ape if you don’t shave daily
    • You are not invited for weekend…… cricket matches .
    • Every Aunty you meet asks “Shaadi kab kar rahe ho beta!!”, while uncles ask “Career ka kya socha hai beta…”When the reality is that you are just riding the wave and going with the flow
    • You have all the confidence in the world but little achievements to show
    • You know that whatever you have been taught about the world in schools has been sheer waste of time.
    • Politics till now was a dirty word but now you feel it everywhere.
    • You know now love is not that blind and that friendship has its terms and conditions
    • You know there is nothing for granted and free lunches are not free
    • Your overconfidence is now making way for a humble conscience
    • You now know it is not exactly what we thought it would be! Reality strikes, and it strikes hard!

    By the time you get well versed with these emotions, you would already be changing diapers!

    p.s.: Source for this article is Facebook wall posts

  • Why do you get married – II

    In continuation to the previous post – Don’t marry! Be happy! ( Line from a famous Telugu movie starring Nagarjuna).

    Well, as I have already stated and made my stand very very clear – don’t ever rush into this whole thing called marriage. These seven pheras, take less than seven minutes to be done, but binds you for seven lives.( okay, at least for this one life, you are bound for life!).

    The big fat Indian wedding is a major event in our culture, and I don’t have the numbers, but am sure it is one of the biggest economy driving events in the country. Just imagine the sheer amount of crazy money spent on these do’s.

    Parents start thinking of it right since their bear a child, girls plan it once they turn 15 (Even Barbie dolls in indian bridal wear is hit), Films and TV make crores and some more crores out of this one saga – -Indian Marriage (Sooraj Barjatya is still counting his crores!).

    Coming to the core of the issue, why do you want to get married? I don’t really have an answer, and have not got a convincing one yet. Here I tell you, why you should not get married –

    Expenses

    It tires me to see that finance guys are the first ones to get married. Guys, now you should be the first ones to know that your expenses shoot up like crazy once you get married. That black sedan you have been eying since long, will now be a longer dream, or even convert to a normal hatchback reality.

    I remember a friend of mine, a girl who recently got married, often saying this – “ After marriage the girls income doubles and the guy’s halves!” Nothing could be truer.

    Okay, I know the dowry system in india works to bypass this negative, but well that is a one time payment! Fin guys, you should know this.

    Compromise

    “Hey dude lets go out to the sports bar today after office to catch up with the ManU match”. I dare not ask this question to a married guy with the fear of being a “jalan par namak chidana”.

    Compromise, as it is defined, is an agreement reached by mutual adjustment and it is impossible to make a marriage work without it. Remember, “Haan maine compromise kiya.. lekin compromise kaun nahi karta?” That is the reality!

    You like Chinese, she likes continental. Compromise. You like Comedy movies, she likes drama? Compromise. Even the remote control to your own 42” LED TV would become a matter of compromise.

    Adventurous

    I happened to meet Akshay Kumar in a Company event yesterday, and a member from the audience very openly asked him – “pehle to theek hai, lekin abhi shaadi aur bache ke baad how do you convince them to agree on your stunts?”. No Answer!

    What? You want to drive down to Nandi hills in the middle of the night after being decently drunk? Go get a divorce lawyer first.

    Friends

    Again, Sorry. Your weekends will all be spent with your wifey, not leaving anytime for a beer binge. On Friday evenings, you would just have to whine at your home and watch TV, while the luckier ones get to drink and play poker all night!

    And well, even if you are able to convince your “better half” of the evening out with friends, be prepared to lose all your money in poker talking on the phone – “yes baby. Will not drink much baby. Will sure get the bread and eggs on the way back!”. So much, that you stand the risk of not being invited again from the next weekend onwards.

    Housework

    Socks lying here and there, and the underwear on the fridge. Get them out immediately dude, you are now married, living with someone who thinks they are the most civilized people on the planet!

    Cleaning, washing, cooking, shopping, dusting – all of these become part of your normal life, and in all probability would find way in your weekend timetable!

    Guests

    Wife’s third cousin is in town? You have to host him, and be nice to him. Treat him with all the niceties, and most importantly spend time with him.

    Even your relatives would start expecting that you now behave like a family man, and host people in a similar way.

    Explanations

    You got of your hometown after engineering so that you would not have to explain that late night out and the beer, and now you want to again invite the same discipline back on your head? All the best!

    And well, the most important reason to not get married to seek happiness – it does not last forever.  Even sex starts feeling like bland curry. Diamonds do last forever.

    Disclaimer: These two posts have been written with a funny vein, and I have nothing against marriage. I strongly believe in it, and as they say, the views expressed above are purely blogsake, and I don’t endorse them at all. Don’t sue me!

  • Love marriage in India

    This has been happening for quite sometime. Wake up in the morning, log on to your facebook and you see one more notification of someone getting engaged, someone getting married, someone getting laid! (Probably mark should add this functionality too!).

    And obviously so, this is the marriage season on in india, and I belong to this group or this age, where people do generally get married. So, it is nothing but obvious that my friends are all getting hooked.

    Interacting with many of these recently married, or soon to be married couples, gives me one good insight. Get an arranged marriage, and it is just an affair. Dare an affair, and there are lots of things to be arranged. The biggest of them all, convincing parents.

    More the differences, more time consuming it is.

    1. Different caste?

    The most common problem. Everyone, right from the mom and dad, to the door ka uncle, whom you meet only during weddings, and also the kaam wali bai, who needs to know why are you getting married to someone outside your caste. Understandable if you are a parsi, and your community population is dwindling, but not otherwise, they say.

    A reddy girl, cannot marry a choudhary guy. Final. Why? Both the families celebrate the same set of festivals, have similar rituals, follow similar traditions, and even look quite similar. So why? You may ask? A No, is a NO! unless you want your limbs cut off, by one of our factionist brothers from Telangana. (Anyways, the nosed man is not very active these days!)

    2. Different language?

    Again a big obstacle, and a very common one! Come on now, India has about a 1000 languages ( 18 official languages), and liberalization has allowed us to travel across the country. It is obvious that a Tam-Brahm girl would fall in love with a Punju guy ( remember 2 States, by Chetan Bhagat), or a rajasthani girl being pataaofied by a mallu guy! But well, parents on either side would sure be dead against it. Why? Dude, you want your father to be able to atleast communicate to your father in law!

    Living in both Chennai, and Delhi, the difference in life style could not get more starker. They could have been two completely different countries all together. Iraq and America would have more similarities, in every walk of life!

    How do you convince you parents? Show them the beauty of multi cultural interaction, and tell your punju father how it is very important to be learning to save more money from your Tamilian filter coffee drinking, Hindu paper reading father in law!

    3. Different religion?

    All hell breaks lose! WHY? Why? And after many more doubts on proper downloads of sanskar, the mother still asks WHY? Why on earth you, a pious Brahmin boy, who does not eat good things like chicken and mutton at home (and hogs the same like a pig in a hotel with beer!) want to get married to a muslim girl? WHY?

    In this case, the occasional kashmira shawl sales man also needs to be convinced. After all, a muslim girl is going to come next to buy his shawls.

    Remember Veer-Jaara, convince your parents that you are doing all this in for the betterment of the Indian society, and to ensure cross-cultural exposure to your kids! Or maybe, you can just tell them, it is necessary like IIPM has a necessary international exposure!

    Beware, they might just slam you back with Sonia Gandhi’s example, and try showing you logic that only if Rajiv Gandhi had married a hindu girl, the country would have been a lot better now! No Italian dope to the dying BJP!( yeah, and who know, No Bofors case for the CBI. No Q)

    4. Rich – poor divide?

    Now this is a very serious difference.  How can a Raja bhoj, let his daughter get married to a gangu telli? Remember Dulhe Raja? But well, the dulha needs to be determined, and push his way through to the riches and the coffins of his soon-to-be father in law. Whatever it takes.

    This particularly reminds me of a friend, Raju, who recently had to meet his rich girl’s parents to convince them for their marriage. After the initial pleasantries, the soon-to-be father in law (FIL) guided Raju to the study room to get to know him better.

    “So, Raju, What are your plans?” FIL asks Raju

    “I’m an software engineer at Acer, working for the last four years.”, raju replied sheepishly knowing very well that his meager salary of 3.3 lakhs per annum was less than FIL’s daily income.

    “Well, that’s admirable” FIL replied. “But what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter?”

    “I will work hard, and God will surely provide for us” Raju explained.

    “And how will you buy her a nice engagement ring?”

    “I will work hard, and God will provide for us”

    “And children?” asked the father.  “How will you support children?”

    “Not a worry, sir, God will provide” replied Raju non-chalantly.

    The conversation continued for about 10 more minutes in much the same fashion.

    After Raju left, his girl asked her father what did he feel of Raju?

    “Well, he has no sound job, income and no plans either”, he despairs with the girl looking at him with tension written all across her face.

    “But, the good news is that he thinks I’m God”

    “You can marry him!”, egoistically.

    They are now getting married in June.

    This brings me to the next divide, EGO!

    5. Ego clashes?

    Mohabbatein! If you remember seeing the SRK romantic movie of early 2000’s, you would realize that there is no solid reason for the father Amitabh bacchhan to reject SRK’s candidature. ( This is what marriages have become, one more job opening!). It was just his ego, that he could not let go!

    I wonder, why are most of the parents against the overall concept of a love marriage? I know of a friend, who loved a girl from his same caste, and everything. If he would have applied for an arranged marriage, a good possibility that his parents could have selected the same girl! But they were against this alliance? Surprising!

    It is more to do with the inherent right that parent seem to be losing than anything else. At the birth of a child itself, the parent takes this ordeal of selecting a bride for their son, as their inate right. Now when you, the son, gets a girl on your own, your are stealing them of this right, and they do not want that.

    No parent would accept this, but this seems to be the inherent truth!

    Again, here, persistence is the only way guys!

    6. Age difference?

    Guy elder to girl by any number of years, still okay! Girl elder to guy? Unpardonable. It is an age old custom without any sound logic. In the olden days, it was considered normal for the guy to be atleast 10 years elder to the girl.

    In the good olden days, the men fought wars, while the women filled bindis of water from far off places. In this milieu, it was necessary that the guy crosses a certain threshold of age to get married, and parents of girls have always been desperate to get their daughters married off as quickly as possible.

    A recent study says, that girls tend to age more quickly than guys, and thus to maintain compatibility and also to ensure that the couple looks good together it was necessary that the girl is younger to her husband. A different study also says that women have an average life expectancy atleast 5 years more then men. By this logic,  to avoid the woman from spending more years as a widow, she should be allowed to marry grooms five years younger to her, to ensure death at the same time.

    Ultimately, whatever your parents give as a reason for this, there is no way in which you can overcome this. The girl, if elder to you, is always going to remain so, and the only way to overcome this is to die hard convince your parents.

    I personally think, this norm that guys should be elder to their wives, stem from the inherent need of every male to be dominating, and ensuring younger wife gave them a free license to do this!

    And if this was not enough, Let me remind you that God’s wife is elder to him! (er! Sachin Tendulkar)

    7. Boy – Boy?

    This is something that is very much in fashion of late, and the Indian constitution has recently also legalized it. Now this is one case, where the issue stems due to the lack of a difference, unlike the remaining reason where the issue is due the reasons. Now the basic reason for this issue,  is lack of awareness and an inherent tendency against change that each of us have it within. You father would say, “You marrying a boy? Which boy gets married to a boy? I have not seen anyone being happy after doing this!”

    Probably, our generation, after seeing many a happy gay couples would allow our children to pursue the sexuality and the orientation of their choice!

    Whatever be the reason guys ( and girls!), if the voice within you shouts that yes, “She is the one! She is the one!” No reason or difference( or maybe the lack of it) should stop you from relentlessly pursuing it. Nothing on earth can come between us should be the motto, and watch titanic to gather inspiration.

    Okay! Need more inspiration? Watch any hindi movie, and this would be the theme plot. Want more realistic inspiration? Watch a telugu movie, sans the fights!

    This post is dedicated to Srinivas Jarkula, who is getting married this Sunday in the district capital of KHAMMAM! (Well, it is some obscure place in Andhra!) Wish you guys a very very happy married life!

  • lissten.. sunoooooo

    Quite an eventful april it has been so far. I was home for my birthday, and needless to say, had a blast. India has won the cricket world cup after a good long 28 years. Anna Hazare chose my birthday ( april 5th) to start his fast at jantar mantar, taking away all the limelight from me!

    In all these distractions, I did manage to spend quality time with my younger cousins,  and from them, got a very interesting insight.

    Guys, rather kids, as young as in 6th standard have a facebook account, a twiter handle and a girlfriend!

    Teens, in 9th standard have it clear about their relationships!

    Adolescents in first year college are drinking, smoking and do everything that I started doing only when I was nearing the end of college!

    Young adults, freshly out of college, have a great sense of clarity of what they like, and what they dislike in their relationships!

    This post forms its genesis in one such conversation. What does a guy wish in his girl?

    Unlike girls, we are a very simple species, with a very elementary operating system fixed in our brains. Not complicated at all. Some simple wishes here and there is all that we crave for.

    Listen up ladies: We know you’re keeping secrets from us. And even though you think you’ve got men all figured out, we’re hiding a few things ourselves. There are a little more than a few things, which we would want you to know.

    • Don’t invade our privacy – My cellphone, gmail account and facebook account is something mine. I would not want you to peep into it at the first given moment.
    • Please tell us how you would like us to please you, and trust me, we would not feel dumb! We would try to do everything possible within the limits of time, finances, influence and feasibility.
    • We like you to be a little jealous! A little is the word here. Overtly possessive is not necessary. we need definitions! Jealousy is an ugly thing which only gets worse.
    • you are allowed to be late, we are not!! Why??If you are late it is because you wanted to look great, and if we are late we just don’t care is what you believe. Ever heard of a thing called traffic??
    • Guys love neck rubs and if he lets you keep doing it, means that he really likes you
    • Calling us cute – okay! Puppies are cute, and so are small little teddy bears. That is the last thing a man would want to be called, and the small man all the more hates it. Now you know we we hate our aunts so much!
    • Licking our ears – My girlfriend is going to hate me for this. But seriously, Ears aren’t cleaned out as often as they should be. Licking them might feel good for a few seconds, but then your tongue just tastes like earwax.
    • Emoticons – seriously. We would just prefer to get a call, and hear you kiss and say I love you, rather than looking at funny pictures in yellow!

    These are just some random things that people have been telling me for ages, and I have just done the chore of pinning them down.

    To all the ladies, these are not my thoughts alone but those that are spoken by a majority of men. I am a firm believer of unconditional love!! No strings attached!

    And all you beautiful women out there, you don’t really need to pay heed to any of these. These are for those other guys, who would want these qualities. For me, I would just fall for you if I hear you listening to the latest daler mehandi song – “listen, suno mere bhai..”