Author: Bharat Jhurani

>Cha.. Shit of a life..

Well, a disclaimer. This post is primarily meant for guys, as girls may not receive it quite well. Well, Girls, inspite of saying this if you read it and scold, abuse, threaten,etc… I m not responsible!!!

And people, well again only boys, especially in the software industry.. Do read it!!

Story of a close friend of mine – MoBulAri!!!

All the time in college, MoBulAri like all of us just used to yearn for one thing – WHEN WILL I BE THROUGH STUDIES? When will I be done with all possible exams??.. when will I have my own money for Beer!!

All said and done. Moved around so many places. Attended so many of those idiotic gds and interviews, Technical tests, Tech interview, HR interview.. was shown the door in mass recruiting companies like TCS and WIPRO.. and then finally landed up a job USWORK INDIANBRAIN Software limited!!

FIRST ONE MONTH – no work.only enjoy – all happies second month – work + enjoy – ok third month – only work. no enjoy – problem starts

My poor innocent friend Just starts getting to know the office politics, by being a victim. Its always the close by team that is gifted. The manager is good, one who does not give any pain! The girls are inevitably good in the close by team. The hikes are good out there, and to top it there is no work at all (with all happily preparing for CAT) in the close by team. But for MoBulAri.. It is a crocodile festival every day.

The work he does.. the work he does not.. Everything is entitled to be screwed by the upper heads. One client gives all unrealistic requirements, knowing very well that they would not work the way he wants it to, he still persists for the same thing. Support in the middle of the night, when our dear friend is well into something else – sleep! The on site work would attract all kind of abuses never ever heard of even in the worst of the galis of chavula mandam! The only reason he still sticks to the job is the FREE internet connection at office and the fact that the coffee vending machine in the office is still working.

Weekly once or twice he just calls up all friends and arranges a drink party – his only mode of entertainment( now you now why Infy Mysore campus requires that huge bar?) The entire party time is spent hurling the topmost, or as they say – state of the art, abuses to the TL, PM, etc.. life just carries on for 6 months. By now, eyes have all formed dark circles around them, the forehead has wrinkles over them, The neck pains bad (bad ergonomics I say), all kind of never heard before diseases start making his body their home! Poor MoBulAri.. seems so old than he really is!

He is starved to see his own brother, sister, father, mother, relatives. It is just like saying them a hi at the station.. He reaches Vizag and starts packing off for the return journey. Only his door ka rishtedar who incidentally is in the software field understands his plight. For everybody he is the black sheep of the house. One who has just started earning and is showing attitude, and not even sending any money home!! Wish they actually knew that what he gets is peanuts!! So, all the phone calls directed towards, or received from home are filled with abuses and makes him believe that he lacks any concern for anyone.

On the salary front, yeah the cash registers in the bank do ring in his name at the beginning of every month, but then BONDS, Mutual Funds, credit card bills, ab to sodexho paas bhi.. all take them away, just leaving enough for his basic survival, very basic han!. Well, yea the remaining peanuts – the intelligent ones deposit in a home loan or something, but good for nothing like us just blow it away in Alcohol, Ciggies and roaming around the country side!! Oh! There he again forgot my dues!!

Life was all chill till now, now starts the real problems. One fine day one ex – colleague/ colleague comes down with a sweet packet in one hand, and a card in the other inviting us to his wedding. Now our friend gets this idiotic idea – “How good it would be if even I had a girl!!“ Well, talking about the software field – the good looking ones are all booked, married or are north Indians( remember MoBulAri is a southie..) so 95 of the 100 girls get filtered. Another 4 girls would be better called “sister” rather than even a friend, forget – “JUST A FRIEND”. So now we are left with this last one girl (remember the movie MatruBhumi)

Now for this one last girl( Murthy said infy has 27% of its workforce females?? Where are they??) The whole team is behind like dogs!! That one girl is very intelligent and moves around with everyone, but gets committed to no one (Well, me not a MCP please..). One more fine day, MoBulAri gets one more card – that one girl has called it a day! She is getting married. What else. One more night.. one more mehfil.. and the next day, start off the search for One more girl( here the standards just keep falling with every such card)

Now time for reviews and appraisals– “ You are excellent!” “ The company would be void without you!”.. “etc.. etc.. blah!! Blah!!”.. but the salary raise – Add one more peanut to the bowl. MoBulAri charges up.. The body cannot take anymore. Resume gets updated. The thought process is again churning ideas, but this carries on for long.. and even after 6 months of the added peanut – MoBulAri is still at the same place! Life just moves on..

Wait!.. Did anyone say it??
Life is a shit!!

>I know guys. please stop grinning. This is one more of those long gapped posts, and this time it has been really long that i have posted. AGREED! Cant help it. This is what a B school does to you. Loads you with so many things that one has no time for activities that do not add to the resume!!! No time for activities that you actually enjoy, but know that it would not be quotable. It is like ” you have 24 hrs in a day, and the time spent on such activities is all mundane, and gone down the drain!!”. I don’t care!!

i would not mind spending this time into the drain. i love blogging, and i owe it a lot. It has given me a formidable network. A hobby that really destresses me out! n it is a real feel good factor to me!!

One small warning before you proceed. I am right now in a very “good” mood, and the contents further down may be quite “biased, narrow minded, and very disturbing”. Proceed at your own risk!

Its been quite an insightful 3 n more months spent out here in helL. Always something new crops out. Some or the other event for others to prove their legacy over me. A chance for the junta to prove that i am fit for nothing.

i was never a topper, neither in school.. not in college. never. But had no regrets. Coz, i always believed that i was the best. and that i was. Always came out victorious. Always the envy of the batch. I knew, if not pure acads, i was the prefect mix in all.
but here, no!!! Everyday, this feeling is more strongly drilled in my mind, that ” I AM USELESS”

I M A LOSER. so much that one f my classmates actually said.. ” Abbey, tu jis team mein ho.. woh kabhi jeeti hai??” He n ya, actually!!

What all small victories i get as a team are attributed to others. I AM A FREE RIDER, or so would others say!! but any loss – ” Abbey, tu bharat ki team mein hai na, isliye“

Got second runners in WHACKOPRENEUR.. ” NO, that was because you had a good team. Everything must have been done by them“.. Won third in ops quiz.. ” You are one cunning ass.. U always team up with the right guys, so as to win with the least effort.”

What happens to this ” right team” when i lose some thing???

guess thats the way life treats you. Still gotta get used to it. Will learn. true, IIM does teach you lotsa things

he!! neways, i m so sorry, to have got you too into this sad shit. the humour will still continue!!!

>Its officially the eighth week of my stint out here at a B school. And one thing that could pretty much sum up my time out here is ” THE EXPERIENCE”. Everything out here has been so new, so exhiliriating, so different, so challenging.. One thing is for sure – I don’t know what learning of the course would i be applying to the real life situations, but ya, the learning in terms of a person i am sure would stay with me for life, constructively.

First the induction, giving us the initial jitters, and ensuring that we get enough scared that the weak hearted actually leave the campus!! The whole of two years was pretty much summed up in those three hellish days. We thought that all the pain was done with after that, but little did we know, that its gonna be like that for the coming two years( more precisely 20 months)

One thing that i really admire in the IIM system is completely straight, very transparent and very strict. Simple rules of the game. 2 fakkas( f grades) and you are asked to repeat the year. and some more combos of dakkhha’a and fakkas to be able to repeat the year. The grading is a little mysterious, with the relative grading in vogue. U may get 38 and still fail, while a 35 in some subjects may pass u. Similarly with the upper grades.

Had our first mid terms last week. And one hell of a week it was. slept like around 25 hrs in the entire week. Not that i studies all week. It was like one of the most chilled out weeks out here. no presentations, no projects, no submissions.. just simple plain exams!! The marks are not yet out, and that is the reason of my chillness regarding the issue. The marks got here would determine, how many movies i see during the end term exams.

We pretty well completed the weekend by getting totally drunk and doped sat afternoon, so much that i could not even take full advantage of the insti party later in the night. Just had to do away with real juice most of the time. Now that is what i call lack of patience. free liquor on the house with a live disc, and we rather spend money and booze in the afternoon.

Now to plan for the section party. One thing i have noticed about the IIM system is the parties out here. No party is complete without booze in the extreme form, and no conversation is complete without a smoke. All the college canteen talks, the rumours, even the stock market discussions take place only at gupta’s – the smoke joint out here.

one thing very valuable out here is your PGP id, or your room number. Everything is post paid. Just lift anything and flaunt your ID. Its been such a long time that i have actually moved around with a wallet on my rear. now you know why i don’t resemble ayesha takia any more.

After the mid sems, we thought the first week would be chill, as happens in an engineering college( there the party continues till one week before the next set of exams) I could not be more wrong. The plethora of workload begins again. And to top it, we had our final presentations for the various committees.I had INDEX, PRISM and STEX, in my kitty. With IIC, ALCOM and BHAVISHYA left out due to lack of time.

DISHA is one new initiative out here, implemented from this year. Our preparation for the summers. We have regular classes, tests, CV preparation workshops, all happening in the better part of the 24 hrs day – the night!!

August 15th, the country all over enjoys a holiday on that day. We enjoy it doing assignments. Now i understand the reason for brain drain all these years. Obviously, how the hell will the student know th importance of the country if the independence day itself is not kept free??

Even sunday was totally filled with lectures comprising The functional induction program, with alumni from various fields coming in to explain us the careers in various verticals. It was quite infromative.

I realise that the post is very haphazard without any structure, and that was because i intended to sum up the maximum possible events happening out here. this is just a comprehensive list of the ones i was active in. There was also a international conference on agri business and scores of guest lectures, most of which i spent in deep slumber on my cozy bed.

>The past one week could well be termed as the most chilled out here in helL.. had exams!! heh! yeah, no assignments, projects, deadlines.. what else does one care for?

Saw the maximum number of movies, this week!.. boozed at a high frequency… n did all kinds of bhagchodi possible. No! if you are thinking that i could sleep long?? NO!! that is one thing we can never get!just slept around 30 hrs the whole week. not that i am complaining.

now some details about the exam!
We out here have six subjects in the premid term with four of them carrying on to the post mid, and two subjects being added.

the rules out here are simple and rigid. Grading system is followed. A+ to F.. staring from 10 to 0 in that order. the rule reads – 2 fakkas( lingo for an F) or 4 dakkas( for D).. or 1 fakka and 2 dakkas.. n you are out of the campus asked to come back next year to repeat the course. So it does get on you. and dries you. After all who would like to leave hell??

For more details on the mid sems.. read Shankar

More on life out here..
have tasks going on to get into the various committees. This is one thing unique that i found here. First thing, the whole process to get into a committee is so transparent, and clear and ensures that only the right person gets into the right committee according to his abilities. The process runs across 3 weeks – interview, mid term review of task.. final review.. n then a presentation. Secondly the rush to get into a committee. back in engg. we literally had to pul people to participate. Yeah, many do t primarily for the CV point!! lets see whats in store for me..

the guest lectures out here are simply mind blowing. have such top notch people comin on the campus that you just can’t help but feel honoured to be here. We had a chief judge, the founder of subex-azure, etc.. Now a Mc Donald guy!!

and the number of events that one can participate is great. Me and my friend Amirinder took the initiative of enrolling in a market research project. got shortlisted and also had an interview with the guy in charge.it was a good experience.. interview on gtalk. Was quite funny.

We were informed that it is better to mute the talk, when the other person is talking as it would echo. now it goes like we are speaking to literally no one.. n one gets the feel that the person on the other side is actually doing something lot more important than listen to out blabber. then my friend, who always carries disaster in his pocket, actually cut the call by mistake. What can get more funny. We trying to call the person – supposedly a big shot alumni of IIML, and he trying to do the same. and he actually goes to the extent of typing – “R U thr?” No prizes on guessing.. we did not get the project!

one more funny, actually not that funny, incident took place last week. me, abhinav an KK had some tiff, and i literally dragged them out of my room, in the right spirit of course. now would they keep quiet? No ways. They lock me from outside with a huge 10 lever lock( KK probably has gold in his room), and they even get logs and all shit possible to seal my balcony. So, literally no way for me to come out of the room on my own.

Even my neighbour who tried freeing me was threatened – ” agla tu hoga..“. now after that who would come forward. these sadist idiots.. D F’s.. were deriving pleasure by smoking on my face through the window.
But ya, one mistake they committed. Let the phone be with me. the constraint on me was 2 re. balance. So a max of 2 calls. had to make the right call. Prakash Babu comes to my rescue and am free. i go to their room, give this dirt smile and blow smoke on their face in a sense of triumph!! he he.. innovative game it was.!!

Just now back from a pcom batch meet. Ahh!! not worth writing it out here. now, at 5 PM, it is official sleep time out here at IIML!!
gud nite.

>If you are thinkin why am i repeating the post on induction.. well, this write up is the one about the hostel induction. Out here there are various things that we facchas get inducted into. The Insti, hostel, ur gang( gult, mallu, etc..).. n then the committee.

As written earlier, during those three hellish days of the insti induction, i was already down and out, and was crying to get back home, cursing my very decision to write CAT. After the exam from 12 to 3Am, i had my induction( the formal one) in the hostel.

I just stepped into the city of nawabs, and entered the hallowed portals of IIM Lucknow – a place I always yearned to be in. As soon as I arrived here, I was allotted, what would be my hideout for the next two years – My hostel room. Hostel number 10, known as one of the most happening hostels of the insti, and yeah! That it was. I thanked my luck for being allotted a room in the city! Little did I know what was in store?

note: for the uninitiated, city are the new hostels, which are more spacious, clean and party centric( Titanic, vast terrace, well, etc..).. while the older hostels are called slums

First night at IIML (no perverted thoughts!)

Induction was scheduled the next day, and I consciously slept early at 11 itself, just to be awaken by the door bangs at 1AM. One of my fellow facchhaa informed me about the informal induction, well, in other words – Ragging! Thirty odd seniors, some of them drinking, most of them smoking, but all of them out rightly alert were ready, in what we call the well. In front lined up were a similar number of juniors – my batch mates, all with sleepy eyes!

After some informal dilly dallying, and some mild task round( bringing in the supplies), we were asked to give our intros. Well, how can anything happen in a normal way at an IIM? A broken chair was brought in, and we were asked to stand on the chair – which itself was counting its days, standing. INTRODUCE, in chaste Hindi! For south Indians , this was a task as big as probably getting through CAT itself. After lots of mocking, and pulling of leg by the seniors we were let go at 3:30AM., after a short round of drinks with them. My first at hell. Now, Time to sleep. Little did I know that this would be my earliest hour to sleep for days?

Second night

Now as anywould would swear, the actual action (in all terms) in an hostel happens well beyond midnight. A test from 12 to 3 AM (yes u heard it right! A test in the middle of the night!) After that I was grippling towards the room, when the formal induction of the hostel was announced. The choicest of spirits, with lots of other stuff lined up. I thought I was in for a party, but could not be more wrong! We were given roles – superman and r****. We had to form appropriate pairs among ourselves and entertain the seniors. We lined up, again, this time in pairs. Performed all kinds of profanity, and titillated the audience to all the jhatkas and matkas. After a tiring duel of 2 hrs, were we allowed to go near the alcohol, and the tiredness in us, assured that we complete till the last golden drop? And dropped dead! 6 AM in the morning!!

The hostel induction done!! And now the seniors are all friends!!

p.s. : I wrote this as a task for the alcom committee. Hope they don’t consider this their propetry and sue me under copyright laa