Author: Bharat Jhurani

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Life has got back to the normal human being timings, and I am finding it hard to get back to normalcy. Two years of MBA does change a person a lot. I have been home from since two odd weeks, and have literally done nothing. In spite of my ideas and various desires, I have managed to be too lazy to initiate any of the plans I had meticulously discussed and bored my friends with.

I turned 24 on Sunday, the 5^th of april. Shhh! I am not all that old, that is just the biological sign – the “how old are you” quiz on facebook has declared me a lot younger than that. Mom had planned a langar at the gurudwara, and I was busy in the nitty gritties of organizing it, the whole of last week. Sunday turned out to be a good day, and I even adorned the Lucknowi kurta pyzama I had bought from Lucknow. My brother commented that I looked more like a politician than a chocolate seller wearing that. Chocolate seller – that is how I would be referred to in a few months, and am already seen as one even now. For those who try staying away from this pleasure of chocolate munching due to calorie consciousness, and don’t allow me my Lamborghinis, please jump into the fray.

Finally, chocolate is no longer a guilty pleasure. Le Whif, which just launched yesterday, combines chocolate and aerosol science with their zero calorie chocolate inhalers.

Beginning in the spring of 2008 as part of a culinary art experiment executed by Harvard professor David Edwards and his students, the innovative concept moves “eating habits to their logical conclusion.” While we’ve yet to actually try the chocolate, we’re sure this will spark a new culinary craze and lead to even more gastronomic experiments.

There are these new chocolate inhalers which would enhance your mood curves, while ensuring that it does not increase your curves at the wrong places. Anyways, moving from chocolates to elections – maybe I should give this alternate profession a serious try. What with so many well educated people jumping in the bandwagon. Now, I sincerely hope India is steered ahead to a glorious future under the able aegis of these talented people.

Talking of election, cases of giving incentives – mainly cash and alcohol for votes has dominated the newspapers for the last few weeks. There were reports of huge cash being found in cars, alcohol being distributed to lure the innocent voters, and even bus tickets being given to the junta for their travel to the meeting venue. This news report from Bangalore beats them all – distributing VIAGRA for votes.

Politics in Thailand and buying votes are nothing new, but creative ways to garner favor among the populace is a challenge for even the most resourceful candidates.

In lieu of cash, one Bangkok candidate in a recent election allegedly handed out Viagra tablets.

Wow! Now this is what I call thinking out of the box. What do animals need the most? Sex? Give them that, and they are on your side. This snippet which once again proves the importance we give to the libido – “In cricket, guards were first used in 1874, and head helmets were used for the first time in 1974. It took 100 years for people to realize that brains are also important.”

I have been commuting the streets of Vizag on my dad’s active. I should say, for every trip anywhere, I have to compulsorily make a trip to the mechanic shop which the bike so loves. It always forces me at odd hours to pay him a visit. For example, a couple of days back Baka had come down from Lucknow. On his way to his home place – aruku, he halted here for a night. We hanged out in the evening, ate Biryani in the night, and then after watching a movie till 3AM, I had to drop him to the bus station at 4AM.

We set out on my active, and with lots of difficulty reached the bus stand fine. On my way back, the accelerator wire just got snapped. I tries all m y mechanical brains to fix it back or atleast set it for a make use to reach home – but no avail. It was 4:30AM in the morning, and I was at a a calm residential area. There was no chance of any public transport in the vicinity, and my home was still 2KM far away.

I called up my brother who, very sweetly, did agree to come down to pick me up at this unearthly hour. I stand there in the residential area trying to look away from the street dogs who stare very dangerously at me. I get a call from him. “Dude, I am all ready to come, but you have locked the door from outside, and the keys are with you!” my brother says. Oh my Gawd! Now I can’t help it. My brother does not have the spiderman powers to glide down the second floor. I have no other option but to leave the bike there in the open, or to push it through for the 2KM, and drag it home. I preferred the latter option for its safety. This shows how much I love the active, but the infidel that it is – it loves the mechanic shop more than me.

I adhered to its demands, and took it to the mechanic shop first thing in the morning, and also paid 100 rupees for its courtship. It worked well, and listened to me obediently, for one day, but made the desire for another date the next day itself. I again had to bend down to its demands – what other option do I have?

Yes, it is old and does require companionship at this age. But well, I am in no way interested to be its escort every time. So, I am planning to sell it off to someone who would be more than happy to foster its courtship. At the same time, I do need a personal mode of transport. What do I go for? The newly launched NANO??

Should say, Ratan Tata and his team have proven to be the best marketers of the year by generating the maximum interest in this vehicle and making NANO a word of common parlance before even launching it. Unfortunately, the Nano would hit the roads only after july and for this part of the country it sure would take much more time. I rather go for a second hand “nameless car” – The Maruti 800. Or, as dad suggests, stick again to the good old Activa – maybe a new one!!!

p.s.: Will AIRTEL please realize that I no more reside in UP, and I am not interested in its “Namaskar, airtel aapke liye laye hai… “Dude, I am on roaming and even these pre recorded tele marketing calls are being charged. DNC registry!!!

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I thought only Indian police went on trials to search for things untraceable, for years. But, the German Police has left me in splits after doin this.

Police in Germany hunted a sinister phantom killer for two years after finding the same DNA at 39 different crime scenes – only to discover that the source was a woman who made the cotton buds used to collect the sample!

The police were stumped. They eventually offered a 300,000 euro reward to find the killer. It’s no surprise the money was never claimed, however, because the so-called ‘phantom killer’ was a complete myth! Detectives had apparently been tracking the DNA of a factory worker who packaged cotton buds used by the police to collect samples, according to ‘Stern.de’.

Her DNA was found over and over again: in bottles, tank lids, on bullets – and once even on a biscuit!

Nice, finally the detectives managed to think out of the culprits. er box. And well, 300,000 euro award!! The cotton bud maker should herslf have claimed the award. She would never have to ever make the cotton buds again, and the industry would get a huge boost for sure. Everyone would want to make cotton buds, and ensure that they have spitted on each a considerable number of times.

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Huh! Long time, was on a long country wide trip along with Mom and Dad. Was fun. The entire trip has been aptly named Teerthaliya. Finally back home last Sunday, and now I feel a little settled. After lots of initial small problems of bike, television, internet, etc. the most important of all was solved today. INTERNET. Got my Reliance data card recharged for the unlimited connection for a month. Now I only hope the speed does not betray me.

About the trip, in detail

March 12^th: I left Lucknow for Delhi to receive Mom and Dad, who were coming from vizag. Saw Revolutionary Road (review some other time) in the afternoon, had a beer and then met them in the evening. Things one has to do, if no one comes down to meet in Delhi. There was a time when I specifically used to go to Delhi to meet up. Sigh!

In the evening, I took mom and Dad to the Seesh Ganj Gurudwara (Thus started my teerth yatra, er! Teerthaliya) and then by the Delhi metro to CP, where we had dinner. We got into the train to Haridwar in the night.

March 13^th: All day in haridwar and Rishikesh. Well, for those who are getting a envious hearing about Rishikesh, remember I was with parents. So, no rafting, nothing. I instead saw the Ram Jhula and the Lakshman jhula, with a crore temples in between. We even had lunch at the famous ChotiWala’s restaurant. The entire passed away like that, and the evening aarti on the ghats of the ganges was a perfect end to the great day. We even went to Patanjali – the headquarters of Baba Ramdev. I should say, he is the best marketer than anyone of us. Just a simple Yoga guru, has marketed himself so well, and look at him today. He has attained a Demi God status living in a huge campus.

March 14^th: Reached Amritsar early morning, and checked into a hotel. Had morning breakfast and the famous tea at GIANI tea stall – the aroma of which still lingers on. We then went to the historic Jallianwala bagh, followed by the revered Golden temple. Ah! Rab ne bana di Jodi has made the temple so glamorous. Everyone is now enthusiastic to click a pic at the same place where shahrukh had posed. A movie is a best place to market a product, place, experience, anything. Top it with Shahrukh, and it is guaranteed to sell. As it was said, “In bollywood, only sex and Shahrukh sell!”. We even went to the Wagah border in the evening, and it was an unforgettable experience. Now if anyone asks me if I have been abroad? My answer would be, “I have seen the Pakistani border. That is the closest I have got to abroad!” We retired after having a sumptuous filling of the famous Punjabi Butter chicken.

March 15^th: I did not want to go anywhere; all that was left in Amritsar was temples. I did not want to be assaulted by a few more. But, mom was adamant, and we had to give in. We first went to the Vaishno Devi mandir( yes, a replica of the famous Jammu temple here in Amritsar), and then the Durgiama Mandir. Somehow, I feel all the temples to be alike, and I don’t understand the motive of visiting all the temples possible. I have come across people who vow to visit 108 (or any random number) of temples if their wish if fulfilled. What difference would it make? We spent the rest of the day near the golden temple (again a temple!), shopping.

March 16^th: Reached Lucknow at about 11AM. Ah! The campus seems so wonderful, I am already missing it. Sad! I would have to leave the place in a few days. I attended the convo rehearsals in the afternoon and we set out shopping for the famous lucknow Chikan work dresses, in the evening. We were back to campus at about 8PM, right in time for the dinner. We met up a lot of people, and I introduced a lot of friends and their parents, to mom and Dad. A general sense of camaraderie between us, juniors, parents and even the faculty made the evening memorable. After Mom and Dad retired to bed in the provided Guest house, I set off to H13, to participate in the uncorking of MOET CHANDON by Doc. Oh! The Champagne tasted awesome.

March 17^th: Woke up quite late, and then after talking to Mom and Dad for some time, I started getting dressed for the D-Day. I reached right in time for the convocation, fully dressed in the best of my spirits. The ceremony was a memorable one, which I am sure going to cherish for a long time to come. After the convo and photo clicking ordeals we set off to the snack arena. Baka was doing the honours of being the cameraman for the day. The StEX committee juniors also had a surprise in store for us. A cake cutting ceremony and small return gifts – An IIML Calendar. Very thoughtful of them. Would sure miss the committee very much. Me, Abhinav, Praveen and Puneet made for the perfect team and the juniors just added up to it. It was a wonderful time spent with the committee. We set out shopping again in the evening, and finally after having dinner at the food court at Sahara mall, we returned back.

My last night at L, sure requires a para of its own. Afterall, Bharat Jhurani finishes everything in style ala BJ! Mom and Dad retired to their rooms after returning from the mall, and I went down to my wing. Bottles of Beer were waiting, and so was Abhinav’s ass. It was his placement party. Gulped one beer after another, and finally after 3 bottles down, me srini and Chitta sat outside my room remembering all the good time that we have had the past two years. It was 4Am early morning! Nostalgia! I was too full, and went to Abhinav’s room to sleep as there was no mattress in my room. Well, as was expected, I puked. Abhinav got the perfect parting gift. Sorry Abhinav! How could I not puke on the last night at L? He he. Would remember this for long, and so will Abhinav I am sure.

March 18^th: Mom and Dad came in quite early and we started packing. My head was still heavy with the overdose of the previous night. I dashed off to gupta’s for two full glasses of Lime Soda – perfect to get my head back to normalcy. We set off to the station at 10:30AM, and off to Kazipet. The train journey was quite long but was made interesting by the company of fellow IIMites also present in the same train going to Hyderabad.

March 19^th: Reached Kazipet at about 2PM. I set off to a movie – BANK, to escape the ennui. In the evening me, mom and Dad chatted away waiting for the train in the waiting hall. The train started off for Tirupati at about 8:30.

March 20^th: Reached Tirupati early in the morning, and we set off to Tirumala (hill top) directly. After getting the pre booked accommodation there, I and Dad set out to the tonsure hall to get our hair tonsured. Yes, after growing real long hair for months, I went bald! We did the Darshan in the evening, and retired early.

March 21^st: After waking up early in the morning (that is at 8:30AM!) got ready and set out for the second Darshan. I somehow cannot understand the logic. Doing Darshan twice I don’t think would warrant better punya!! After whiling away all afternoon and also some shopping, we hired a taxi to get us back down the hill. The train back home started at about 9PM.

March 22^nd: Reached vizag at 11AM, where jatin was ready to receive us.

END OF TEERTHALIYA

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Wrote this at the Delhi airport on Saturday, 28^th feb 2008

Airports were one thing that had really fascinated me when I was young. I still remember the interest and child like fascination I had when I went to the Vizag airport for the first time to receive someone. That was like fifteen years back. The fascination still holds.

I am presently at the New Delhi IGI airport in the terminal 1A (Is someone known around?) waiting for my 6:30 flight to Lucknow. It is still 4PM, and have been here from 2PM. Four and a half hours early than the departure time!! This is not required even for an international flight!! Well, when you have nothing better to do, and do not wish to travel across Delhi with a laptop bag on your back, this is the best resort.

Now coming to the basic question – what am i doing here? This is my second trip to Delhi within five days, and no! Am not working for any Delhi based company. I have come here for some work related to the Teerthaliya, i would soon be taking across the country – before and after the convo. I completed all my work yesterday, and my flight back to Lucknow is scheduled for today evening.

After wandering aimlessly at Select City walk mall and Saket, and hanging out at the Barista and Coffee day all alone all morning, i finally decided that the airport would be a better place to pass time. I atleast would not have suspicious looking passerby’s when i open my laptop at the airport. After some deliberations with the guard, i was let in 4 and half hours before the scheduled departure.

At the airport one finds all kind of people, right from the seasoned consultant looking person in heavy suits and light suitcases, to the first time traveller looking at everything in detail and with a kid’s curiosity. As usual, i first delved into the book store here, and after browsing for a considerable time, i just could not find anything that i could pick up. I then decided that i should probably go and have a beer at the cafe attached to the terminal. Thanks Delhi airport terminal 1A for having such a facility.

The cafe was a very top class one, with the rates being even more hi fi. But well, i had to pass time, and a lot of that, so i settled down there and just ordered a beer for myself. Everyone one there was probably like me – alone, frustrated, waiting for the plane (obviously, what else would they wait for at the airport?), and willing to pass time. I, for the first time in my life, was reading a book while drinking beer. Shit! How much more could life get interesting? (pun intended!) Well, even this behaviour of mine was instigated after looking at people around me, half of whom were following the same ritual. Does reading a book seriously give that a good impression on everyone? So what even if the book is the latest copy of penthouse? (Nah! I was reading The Reluctant fundamentalist)

After completing the beer in more than 5 times than the normal time taken for consumption, i walked out of the cafe after a good 1 and a half hour time. It is 5PM, and my security check announcement also is not made yet! I don’t feel like reading anymore, so what better? Get the laptop out and watch a movie. Damn! All my movies are on the hard disk, which is in Lucknow. So better?? Blog!

This was one whole day spent at the Delhi airport terminal, not knowing what better to do. One wonderful day it was, and i am sure i would remember it for long!!

Till then, Happy holi and i hope you have armed yourself with lalu and Nitish for tomorrow morning’s fight!!

p.s.: I am starting off for the teerthaliya tomorrow, so may be off from the blogosphere for some time. Also, there is possibly a major change in my way of blogging coming soon. Keep your fingers crossed. Once again, HAPPY HOLI!

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One thing for sure – I am never ever going to be so vela and idle in my life, hopefully. Smack! Right from November actually, after getting the PPO, I have been completely free, relieved and jobless after having a job in hand. I have since then been hearing things like – “Oh! Come on! What work do you have anyways?” aargh!

So then I decided ok. Enough. I would indulge myself in something. I would utilize this time in the most productive way possible. So, I prepared my own Bucket list – Ah! Well, not that I amm soon going to die. “No sir, I have not been diagnosed with ‘lympho sychoma of the intestine!’”

Han! Coming to my bucket list. It is weird. It is very dreamy. No, I don’t intend to settle down in MARSS, and not that it contains things not achievable, but just that I am too lazy for it. The list reads something like this –

LOYALTY PROGRAM – huh! Would discuss this in detail, when the time is right.

PHOTOSHOP – Right from my engineering second year, I had this fascination of learning Photoshop for all the amazing things it can do. In fact, I even have installed it a zillion times on my desktop earliler, and now on my laptop. I even searched for all the learning material possible. But well, the laziness inherent crept in, and I could never make a serious attempt.

SALSA – How bad would it be, going with a hot chik to a pub, and not knowing how to dance and rather prefer sitting close to the bartender. Not really a good sign for any kind of relationship. Not at all, if the girl loves dancing. Also, it is fun to dance if you know the steps right. And what better steps of dance than salsa? So, me and Chitta very ambitiously enrolled ourselves at Planet Salsa, paying a decent amount of money for the 30 day course. Of course, we were also somewhat influenced by Rab ne.. to some extent, and were quite eager to meet the tani partner of our choice. Well, as usual – the lazy bugger awoke, and we just went to the class one evening. Chitta claims that he went twice!

Get Screwed.. On the rocks – A project, which is under highly confidentiality agreement right now, and even for this project – which is quite close to my heart, the lazy bugger threatens to take control.

TT/ Baddy / Tennis, – Some sport damn it! I realized that I don’t play any damn sport and it is high time that I picked up one. I dabbled in TT during my intern and it was quite interesting and I loved it. But once back to campus, and I stopped playing. Similarly I dabbled in Tennis on evening, Baddy a couple of times, and etc.. So this is the right time that I indulge in these and master in atleast one game. Would also help me keep fit. But alas! The lazy bugger! Somebody please kill this bugger.

GYM – I better not talk about this. I did seriously indulge myself in it, and it was even regular. I went in every evening, and the N72 music was quite decent to keep it going. But well, the placements (not mine!), exams, and then the Delhi trips completely made gymming take the backseat.

Musical Instrument – one more innocent intent of learning something for my relaxation. I was even on the verge of buying a guitar, and even had a detailed talk with a member of the official band of the campus. But well, the bugger!

Newspapers – I have this habit of hoarding all my newspapers and not disposing them off without having a detailed look. I presently have a hoard full of newspapers dated December 2008. They have just kept piling up, and I have not done much about it. Throw them – no my policy does not allow that. Read them – the bugger does not allow them. Huh!

Thinking of all this may make one wonder – what the hell does this guy do all day? Huh! Let me know, if you get the answer.

Yeah, one more thing I have been indulging myself too much of late is rehashing the blog. I would very soon move to my own domain on the blogosphere, and the non-technical person that I am, it is getting quite tough. Any suggestions?