>FRUSTRATED

>Behne de.. mujhe behne de…

Sitting in the more than delayed train at some random station, and just waiting for it to move. These songs seem to be the only respite. I have plans. I want to be there. I want to go there and have fun, river rafting, kay kaying, rappling. Now that would be adventure. But thanks to Indian railways I am here in this damn hole called the bogie, in a small berth trying to fit in my legs.

Like everything else in life, here I am frustrated with two things. As economists would call it: a micro and a macro reason.

Let us first start with the macro reason – The Indian Railways. Can it never improve? Do we Indians not deserve punctuality in time? Are we not privileged enough to be asking for such basic necessities? Why, even after 150 years of operation, the operations part of the Indian railways is still a farce?

Thinking about it, it has little to do with the Indian railways in particular. It is the Indian government. Anything that the government puts its murky hands into, turns into crap. The Indian railways network is the largest in the world, and it also boasts of the largest employer in the world. Why not? There are so many of them who I am sure just sit at home, and draw their salaries.

Totally dejected I am, and not without any reason. I really used to like that dialogue from RDB – “ koi bhi desh perfect nahi hota, use perfect banana hota hai..”, but in the case of india, till this kind of government machinery exists, till the railways is just one big lucrative ministerial portfolio, till people are just interested in buying votes, and then making money out of the electoral process like a business, nothing is going to improve.

Seeing things like this, one rather starts believeing in, “you can’t beat them join them!”. Unfortunately that is what has been happening across the years in india, and nothing much has changed. Nothing.

Now coming to the micro reason of my present frustration here in this cramped berth. I hate side seats in the Indian trains. what average height of the Indian was assumed in making this. Indians are sure not this short.

Zindagi.. do pal ki.. intezaar kab tak.. hum karenge bhala.. ( playing on my winamp)

I was supposed to be there on the way to the resort to trek, raft, rapple, and do a host lot of other crazy things. I hate it. Why am I here? The Indian rail to blame, but more than that, why am I travelling on a Saturday morning? Why have I not retired on Friday evening itself for the weekend? I could have taken a flight yesterday evening, and slept comfortably at home.

No one to blame here, except me. People have told me, take a break. Have a life. There is something called work life balance. But I guess then I need to correct things out there. I need to do that extra thing to ensure things are done in my way. I am just behaving like a pure plain crazy workaholic. Am I really one? I am not too sure.

More than six months and have not been home, and have promised myself that I would not till I achieve my goals. I have not realy freaked out much in the last four months after taking over, I will not till everything is set.

My room has the poster, “I CAN REPAIR ALMOST EVERYTHING”, and I will repair it. But then dude, have a life!!! Huh! This is not the first time I am hearing this, and I have never ever felt bad working on weekends, working late into the nights, doing all the crazy travel, but then this time it has spoiled my plans. It has screwed my plans of doing something that I love.

Chill, big deal. I just enquired it would take another two hours to reach Bangalore. Two more hours. It is already two hours late, and two more hours. Perfect. Could not have asked for more. Why am I frustrated? Why? Damn!

For a journey which takes 8 hours, the train is delayed by four hours. Awesome. 50% more time to cover the distance. The driver was fucking drinking and sleeping around the night. Bas%&^.

Was just talking to mom the other day, and she was reminding me of my hatredness towards railways and was asking the reason why I was travelling on rail. I am an idiot (and not the aamir khan types!), that is why.

HATE IT!!!!

Oh girl you’re mine… oh girl you’re mine!!!!!